Like sitting in front of Snoopy's doghouse with the vulture looming, or greenish sky 'neath towering thunderhead, or Damocles reclining beneath the sword held up by a fraying thread-- an oppressive force is mustering. Could blame it on the weather or holes in the sun firing gamma rays earthward or, perhaps, timeclocks have ticked up but it seems like so many people I know have died recently. Not old, all or sick. Dropping in their tracks without notice or a goodbye or final hug. My heart was shattered at the first, I thought, until four more heard the knell and now, yet another, today. I'd have thought one could run out of tears. Apparently not. I'm so cold. Icicles typing--fingers feel as if they should fracture. I am composed of fractils multiplying at an uncanny rate, spilling, splashing, bleeding colors that don't match or have any rhyme or reason. Want to wrap everyone I know in cotton batting. Want to stop bawling my eyes out. Want that 'I've cried too much' headache to go elsewhere. Not even Excedrine is working. I'm the one that handles things while everyone else falls apart. I am scattered on the floor. My internal magnet's poles have reversed and the harder I try to pull it all together, the more the pieces slide away. Have errands I can't cancel. Grey day even though the sun is shining. Perfect for the invisible duct tape I'll be wearing. Have to keep it all together somehow. Turning on autometron. I'll be the robotic one smiling and nodding; no feelings-- Emotions frozen solid lest I continue to leak. |