Cinema Life

I keep on trying to figure it out
Figure out what my mind wants me to be about
Confused as fuck
Every day I wake up, not knowing if today I'll escape out
Make it out from the inner cell I incarcerated myself in
Within the depths of my own head, soul locked tight
Mad at my own self because I watched the bricks build the wall
Bricks made of pain, lies and deception
Indestructible, cemented and mortared
As I murder myself slowly leaking poison into my own heart
Watching from the outside in, my own life playing like a movie on a dimmed screen
No one in the projector room to stop, pause, rewind, erase, replace, or resume
Can't edit this shit
Every scene, every chapter plays out and I try to yell at the producer to change out
Change the scene, change the script, change the dialogue.
Who's the actor, he's garbage, you got to change him out
Who's the writer so I can knock him out
Snuff film style, that's what I'm talking about
Damn, the main character resembles me, except they haven't let me out
So what the fuck am I watching, this aint nothing like the movie "Get Out"
Why can't I move, speak or listen, like it was silenced out.
I see my the lips moving but I can't make shit out
Flash bang resonating in my own head, bells ringing the toll of my last hour
Guess I'll just wake up and stop dreaming of the memories and just shower
Wash the sweat from my nightmare blend it with the hard water the head lets out
I fear being awake as much as I fear my own slumber
I can watch and not move from under my cover
Head and feet left out
But still I feel suffocated not enough air, can't breathe out of my nose and mouth
Oscar nomination for douche bag, I hear my name called out
With acceptance and gratitude I try to respectfully bow out
But the crowd won't let me
"Get your deserved award" they yell out
The two masks in the background look the same
Neither one is laughing just crying, now the spotlight zeroes in
How did they found out?
Truman show, but I can't Jim Carey this out
They're all just watching mumbling under their breath
So should I lash out, forget who I am again and give them what they want
Lash out
Stop giving a fuck, don't care what time is left and cuz at the end all time runs out?
Or should I give them a good show because that what I've always been about
Entertain them enough so they never ask for the truth of who I am and what I'm about
Na, fuck'em , they'll find another outlet for them to let out

P.A. Vazquez 2018