Not Before I See You

You probably don't want to hear about this.
You're probably looking for a way to get rid of me.
I can feel you slipping away, right past my eyes, right past my fingers.
I may be wrong, but God, I wish it didn't feel like this.

Let's start from the beginning.
I was bored. I typed a hi.
You replied with all your straightforwardness, I was impressed.
I connected with you instantly, I'd forever like to think you felt the same way
I changed my night time for you.
Red eyes and a smile on my face every morning was the effect you had on me.
I wanted to scream, shout, tell the whole world about you.
About how you text 14 different messages of one story.
Or how you stereotyped my interests because I am black
How you tell me exactly how I'm feeling, despite the fact that you couldn't see me
You knew when my heart would beat when I was thinking of you
When I was about to text you. When I wake up
We were literally synced

So I fell. I always do
For those with the good hearts, even ones who don't have it too
But you were there for me, day and night
Got me out of my misery for that short time
And of course, the insecurities were there
What if you didn't like the curve of my hip, the curl of my lips?
What if you disliked the colour of my skin or the texture of my hair?
Remember what you said?
You told me it didn't fucking matter how I looked
You told me you'd still love me anyway, even if I probably didn't even know how to pronounciate your name
Even though we were from two different backgrounds, we met at a common ground
Hopeless place, Rihanna says.
We did...

Three whole days and I was head over heels for you
Tried to resist it
"Its just to soon, its impossible"
But my heart was telling me otherwise
My heart was screaming to let you in
To make room for you, even though you might leave again like the others did
Both of you managed to convince my mind
I could try this, we can do this

Let's talk about your promises
You said you'd never leave me, never forget me
We were going to be a family
You had me thinking of having my own family!
A fantasy that I am always avoiding in my head
I had hypothetical images of our baby girl
How she'd have curly black hair and dark brown eyes
She'd probably have an attitude like you, with that short temper too
See what you made me do!
I was gone

But at this moment I'm feeling like I am losing you
Technically, I never had you but it still hurts
You're more focused on things that involve you leaving
That involves your future but without me
Your stress, your career, your life without me
And I am worried
Fuck it, I am freaking out!
I do love your stories, your humour, your whole vibe,
But I would also love to experience your laugh, your touch
How soft are your hands, or your lips?
How your neck smells when I hug you tight
How your eyes stare deep into mine claiming that I'll forever be yours
And I know these are just the little things,
But little things that are a part of you
And I love you...

So please,
Don't give up on us
Not yet, not when we haven't even tried
Not when we haven't even put all our effort
Not before I kiss you, not before I see you