I Love You

I Love You
By: Marium Asad

I don’t know what happened
I don’t know when it happened
I don't know why it happened
I don’t know what I did to you
But you still left me

We were together
Intertwined perpetually
And whoever tried to occlude us
Let’s just say
The cemetery got a bit bigger

When we were together
We were strings and sounds
We were flowers and water
We were film in a camera
We were indivisible

No matter how much our clique pullulated
No matter the amount of impediments
No matter what others did or said
No matter our differences
We were with one voice

I wish I knew what I did wrong
I wish I could have been informed
I wish that the past isn’t a gray-scale reality
But one I could change
Even though what can I change without knowing the error?

I wish I knew why you shut me out
Shut the door of your life in my face
Gave me the cold shoulder
That turned me to ice
With only hot tears melting it

You left me pulverized and fragmentized
A mirror in a million morsels
A smashed vase with cadaverous flowers
The cracks amplifying every time I see you
Or I recall how we were together

Your indifference had me torn
A ripped paper; A shred
What motive did you have
To throw me away
Like a beat-up rag doll?

Am I that much of a catastrophe?
I know I'm not flawless
Did you require perfection?
Sorry I'm not a Utopian
Sorry for not being as good as those trash pictures

You still lapidated our friendship
You scattered our memories
They conveyed nothing
Empty as space
Non-existent

I apologize for being inferior
Sorry for not being tolerable
We were like night and day yet our differences were inconsiderable
I was inaccurate but deep down I know
It wasn't our differences; You were overtaken

You let yourself be overtaken so you saw me as an extra
As a leftover; A sideliner
An unwelcome guest; An old memory
That should have been bombarded athwart the Atlantic
Instead of an extra waste of brain cells

Why
Why leave me secured to shackles and chains of depression
Why
Why walk into the light
Leaving me in the darkness

You turned way
Traversed to get away
I ran after you
But the closer I got
the farther you were

So, I ran until I crashed into a wall of verisimilitude
You left me heartsick
You shattered our friendship like glass
So even fixed
The cracks will still be there

You left me a rubber band
Snapped to only
Never be put back together
Two ends of a metal chain
Never to touch again

You set a meadow of yellow roses
on fire
The flickering flames burning
And turning everything
To ashes

Dark black ashes
The same ashes you used to burn me
The smell of smoke is still there
The smell of black and blue
Scorching flesh is still there

Black blood dripping
As a result of betrayal
Turned down by the one person I trusted
Executed by my own best friend
My own blood spoiled by the one person I'd give my life for

I thought dreams were real
Like little children's hopes
They just stepped into their reality
Their reality is an innocent fantasy
Why did you crush it?

Why crush the fragile balance
Of truth and honesty
Of love and truth
You fragmented friendship
Why

I climbed an endless ladder
That had great altitude
No matter how high I got
no matter if my knuckles turned white in struggles to hold on
I fell; plummeting towards the earth; a dark abyss of my life

Blue skies turned dark and stormy
As I fell they rushed by
My spine cracking on impact
Worst I landed on torn shards
Shards of our friendship

Small smithereens that dug into me
Pierced my skin
Submerged in my flesh
Cutting my bones in half
Staining the grass

I don't want you
To be my snake in the grass
I don't want revenge
Despite being heartbroken
It could have been different; I wish it was

If only ugly pictures hadn't taken over you
If only we had found a compromise sooner
If only I had realized sooner
If only you ran from tube light to sunlight
If only you knew what you caused

Just like a broken necklace
Each bead falling to the floor
The beads scattering and rolling
Just like your head cut along with the necklace
Just like sword stabbed in my back

The one that you put there
Out of hate or pity; Either way
You didn't see us completely
You didn't see me completely

I'll elucidate
I couldn't hold on to you
Like water slipping through a fist
I look into a mirror of my life
And it shatters from mournfulness

Your hate turned into a monster
Cruel and hideous
And turned you inhuman
No heart; No soul
Just there to spread terminal sickness

You ripped me apart
Crumpled me
Threw me away
I was worthless remember?
So why care?

So, go ahead
Do to me what you like
Torture me; Kill me
Have sharp cold metal
Pressed into my neck

And all the way across
Crush my bones like you did my heart
Use them as powder in your potions
That are used to back stab and destroy
To have that cut on my neck

Bleed a little faster
Have blood a little quicker
Stain the sidewalk a bit more swiftly
Burn my corpse a bit more hastily
Have no mercy; Kill me a bit more slowly

I'm still here
I'm still waiting
I don't care what you did to me
Please break free from hate
Please come back

Because I believe in you
I know you can find your heart
That needle
In that haystack
I know you can come back

Because I'm here
Because I'm waiting
Because as friends I still care
And...
I love you