A True Story: A Secret I Told No One

Sometime between the age of seven and ten, I'm not exactly sure when, (okay, this is the worst part) I was raped. It does happen to little girls, just as much as high school or college women. It was my uncle who did it. He's only a few years older than me. We lived with our grandparents while we were looking for a home. There was a total of ten people in that one house: me, my two sisters, my brother, my parents, my grandparents, my uncle, and my great-grandmother. The people who lived there had bedrooms, of course, and there was a couple couches that we slept on. My dad usually slept out in the car because he was more comfortable. There was also the cot, in my uncle's room, and we always rotated who was sleeping where. I took a turn sleeping on the cot. He came in a few hours later, I was half asleep. He just said he wanted to try something and took off his pants. I didn't actually do anything, I didn't say no, but it was still rape because I had no idea what sex was. Yeah, it happens with relatives as much as strangers. Be careful girls.

I never told anyone, though my dad gave me the opportunity several times recently. I don't know if there was any change in my behavior, even now when I'm suddenly remembering it. I know I never hug my uncle when I say goodbye anymore like I do my grandparents, and refuse to go into his bedroom for any reason, even to get a book off his shelf. I just pretend the book actually isn't a big deal and don't go get it.

I've been to summer camp three times. I love camp, because I feel more comfortable there. I don't even see any boys, because our schedules are separate. People don't judge me, they don't know me. I can relax because I feel safe there. I learned archery, the only sport I like/am good at that I've found so far. I'm so much of a nerd at school, always reading, my grades are important to me, I don't have many friends, I'm on math team...

Was anyone else raped in their life but too afraid to tell anyone? Did anyone else feel awkward around people (for this reason or another)? What was your life-changing event? Traumatic experience? Secret that weighed you down, having to carry around by yourself (Someone told me secrets are like coins, the more you keep, the heavier your pockets get. But if you share some of them, you don't have to carry the weight of them alone)...