Thanks For The Mystery

"My family celebrates Thanksgiving a little differently than what you're used to." I took my eyes off the road for a quick second to see if Derek was scared. He looked straight ahead; no emotion showed on his face.

"Does this mean no turkey and stuffing? That's a deal breaker for me. I will not eat vegetarian food, we've talked about this, Sonny."

"I tried it for a week, will you let it go? I started eating meat again. And anyways that's not what I meant. My family loves to play Clue."

"That's not so weird."

"Not the board game. We pick a victim, and that person writes the name of the murderer on a piece of paper, and leaves clues throughout the house."

"We're getting too weird now." Derek smiled as we pulled up to my parent's house. Lightning flashed, giving an ominous glow to the house. "And it's even weirder."

"Relax, my dad is obsessed with haunted houses and paid for special lighting."

"Hi Honey, Uncle Cornelius is the victim this year." The green dress my mom had on made her eyes sparkle. She gave me a big hug and then turned to Derek. "And who is this?"

"You didn't tell them about me?"

"Where's the cranberry sauce?"

"Hi, Dad."

"Don't 'hi dad' me. You forgot the cranberry sauce!" We headed into the house, my dad's feet stomping. When entered the house he shouted, "No cranberry sauce this year. Sonny forgot it. We might as well start the game."

"Dad, you are being over dramatic about the cranberry sauce. You don't even like it."

"It's not just that. Peacock isn't coming home. She had a last minute john, and then found out she had a delayed flight."

"John? Your sister is a prostitute?".

"Prostitute is such an ugly word. We prefer escort that gets paid to have sex with men." My Dad snapped

"And women," Mom added helpfully before the disappeared into another room.

"I cannot believe you didn't tell your parents about me." Derek stood with his hands on his hips.
"Have you noticed that they aren't all there? Of course, I told them about you!" A glint of silver caught my eye from under one of the bookshelves that decorated my parents living room. I bent down and gingerly pulled it out. It was a knife, covered in blood like substance. A clue. "Look, we found the first clue."

"And lost me. Seriously, how could you put me in that position?"

"Are you guys in here talking about homosexual stuff?" My cousin White asked. Her name was Whitney, but her baby brother could not pronounce it, and everyone called her White. It was also the only color she wore. "You know that means you are going to Hell?"

"And the day is complete with a homophobic cousin. Thank you, Sonny. I could be in the Carribean with my family, but no, you insisted I meet your family."

My mother's bloodcurdling scream stopped me from answering. We all ran towards the screams. We found my mom cradling Uncle Cornelius in her arms. "He's dead."

"Are you sure it's not just a food coma? He can come right out of that with the mention of pumpkin pie." My Dad offered helpfully.

"Dad, his throat was slit. You can see the blood pouring out."

"He's just taking the game to the extreme. Making it unforgettable for your friend."

"They're gay together, did you know that?" White asked.

Derek stormed away; I ran to keep up with him. "How can this work between us? Your family hates gays and loves prostitutes. We should just end it right now."

I pulled him into one of the guest rooms. "Stop talking like that. Why does it matter what my family thinks of..."

His gaze followed mine to the white dress on the bed, with a blood stain on the front of it. "The homophobic cousin is a cold-blooded killer? Go figure."

"No. Even if this were the game that would be too obvious. Someone is setting her up."

"Be that as it may, I am getting an Uber and leaving."

He walked through the house, dabbing his eyes every few seconds. I followed him but couldn't think of anything to say to make him stay. A snippet of conversation caught my ear, "Cornelius just updated his will. White and Red were both cut out."

Derek stopped in his tracks. "Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. White was jealous of your sister for being so close to the bible, and your uncle was putting pressure on her to step up her game."

"That doesn't make sense though." Then it dawned on me what he was implying. He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly for a few seconds. "I still don't think White could be the culprit."

"What about his wife? Or Red, her brother? Either of them could have done it."

A montage played in my head. Finding the knife, my dad saying Cornelius wasn't dead, the blood stain, and my dad's freak out over the cranberry sauce. "It was my dad."

A slow clap came from behind us. "You were always good at figuring these things out son. You disappointed me by forgetting the cranberry sauce, seriously who forget the second most important food for Thanksgiving?"

"Why?"

"He changed his will and left everything to me, in exchange for me helping White get started in the escort business. Seriously, Derek why in the world do you insist on calling it prostitution? It's in the bible!"

"Dad, you have lost your mind. You're going to go to jail."

"No. You are missing the big picture. We're killing everyone here tonight so that no one will go to the cops. We have a big backyard cemetery."

Derek and I ran through the front door as bullets screamed past us. When we got into my car, one shattered the back window. "Next year we're going to the island with my family."

"Agreed."