You Wouldn't know

You wouldn't know,
because I'm a master of hiding anything that I feel no one would want.
You wouldn't know,
because I cry into my pillow to make sure no one is listening.
You wouldn't know,
because the one time I tried, you shut me out.
You wouldn't know,
because I said "I'm fine", and you left that at that.
You wouldn't know,
because I push you away, every... single... time....
There's far too much I wish you did know. Like how seeing your face lights up my day,
or hearing you laugh makes me want to reach out.
I live for hugs,
they're my favorite thing in the world, it lets me know that I am cherished and wanted.
I live for
our quiet conversations, when the world seems but a distant memory.
I live for
what was once, our long walks at 3am.
Mostly I live because I know that sooner or later,
someone is going to pick up this heart of mine and put it back together.
So when I try,
don't just push me away, and I promise I won't push back.
When I try,
don't laugh because it took tremendous effort to bare my heart
When I try,
just know that there's nothing no one in my life could ever do to make me hate them.
I simply wish to know something far greater than skin deep words parted in every breath.