Impossible Love Affair

Closer than a friend...
More than a teacher...
Anything but lovers...
What the hell are you to me?

Damn, I love you to death
You stole my mind when we kissed
The world makes no sense anymore.
Emotions cascading
Rationalization
Head over heels and nothing's the same
Then everything came crashing down
When did I let you get so deep inside me
That I couldn't let you go no more?

When you're here I'm alright
My heart stops racing
I'm at home. At peace.
I look for my other half when you're gone.
You call me and 45 minutes feels like 10.
Do you have to go so soon, love?

Her arm sits around you, darling,
And there's not a damn thing I can do for that.
It only stings a little bit.
As long as I know I have your heart.
And you have mine, love.
It's not that I don't love him.
It's just a different kind of love.
And how could I deserve you
If I didn't do for him what I would do for you if you were mine?

If you were mine, love
I'd do all kinds of things for you.
All you'd have to do is ask
And I get the feeling you'd be the same
But I don't have a right to think about that.

Don't get me wrong.
I probably could get by without you
Just barely.
But why would I want to?
I love you right down to your soul.
I'm in this for good, love.
Until you take that last breath.

When you die I hope you'll wait for me on the other side.
I hope you'll look for me.
Rest assured I won't forget you
I pray for us all the time.

So where do we go from here, love?
My conscience won't let me leave him. Them.
I never thought I'd be this person.
If I left him would I still be that person you loved?
Who's to say I wouldn't leave you too?
What if this love is all just a lie I've told myself?
What if I really just love myself more?
I can't help but second-guess myself, darling.
Only time can really tell, but how much time?
All I can think about is eternity, and how I don't want to screw that up.
If I was with you, would I gain the whole world, to lose both our souls?
But if I could wait until eternity, would I have you for always?

I know you believe different stuff, baby.
I know we don't know what's on the other side.
That's what makes this so difficult for me.
I get this feeling you would leave her for me if I said I'd be with you.
But how could I do that to her? To him? To them?
How selfish would I have to be to get you?
Then I really wouldn't deserve you.

What is marriage, anyways?
To me it's an institution to bring someone closer to God and eternity.
You help one another to heaven.
So why would you need marriage in heaven?
I could love you just the same.
Why can't I help you to heaven now? Who says I can't?
Marriage or no marriage, I still love you. I am my brother's keeper, and you're my brother too.
I'm always thinking toward eternity.
Maybe you're my twin soul.
Maybe you're my lover in a different way.
Maybe you're my secret husband that I can't have to myself every day.

Whatever you are, darling, all I know is this
I'm taking it a day at a time.
Your touch feels like you're a part of me.
I know your hands so well.
And if we made love...
I know our marriages would be over.
Not because they'd leave us if they found out.
I think we'd be the ones doing the leaving, love.
Because we just wouldn't be able to handle the distance anymore.
I want what I can't have.
But you shouldn't always get what you want.
Because this passion is dangerous, darling.
Fire can warm and fire can burn.
And I'm afraid to let this impossible love-affair burn.