Doctor Fool

Doctor Fool by RF SMITH

This article, is a satire of the advise sometimes given to people who are suffering health problems, by general members of the public, and the mistakes we make.
It is not supposed to make fun of people with health problems, addictions, or doctors.
I have a good experience with doctors. The article is based on the fact that I had a school friend who was advised by some school kids, that smoking would be good at making him less tense. I have health problems too, so this looks at a satire of the advise from ignorant people to sufferers of health problems.
The doctor in this article is an idiot who persuades his victims to take drugs, alcohol and do terrible things. Doctors are not like that in real life. And the article does not support people taking drugs, alcohol, bullying, or smoking.


Someone who is quite tense comes into the doctor with a sore thumb.
Doctor Fool, helps him with his thumb, then says, ‘I see you are quite tense.’
So Doctor Fool says, ‘Look! Try smoking cigarettes, that should get you over your nerves. A 40 a day habit would do you good. Just try it, oh and if you like it, try hard drugs, that should calm you down even more.

A 14 year old walks into the surgery and explains that she has OCD.
Doctor Fool replies, ‘Look! Mental health problems are made up. It is all in the mind. You just make up these problems, they’re imaginary. Don’t waste my time. Oh but by the way, even though problems don’t exist, you should never get a job because it is too dangerous, for mentally ill people to work.

A single mother of seventeen, walks into the doctor and explains that she suffers from boredom, and depression, and asks what she could do to treat that.
Doctor Fool says to the depressed single mum, ‘Look! I suggest you take up a drinking habit. After all 12 cans of beer a day should do you good, and get you over the boredom. You should sit outside in the square, drinking all day. Eventually you will become an alcoholic, and that will give you something to take your mind of the boredom and depression.

A married man of 39, who has two kids walks into the surgery, and says he suffers from boredom, and keeps wanting to eat.
Doctor Fool says to the man ‘Look!. The solution is simple. Try eating, and eating. Eat chips, burgers, cakes, meat. Especially stuff with high sugar, and fat content. Remember the more you eat, the more you want to eat. Come back when you are clinically obese. And never do exercise, that is too hard.

A woman victim of domestic abuse, then walks into the surgery and says she is married to a wife beater, and that she can’t stop finding violent abuse men as attractive.
The twisted doctor says wrongly that she is romantic for finding wife beaters as attractive, and explains that lots of women find violent abusive men attractive so that in his warped view makes it OK.

A young girl walk into the surgery, and explains, that she wants to explore the world and see new horizons, she is considering going abroad and visiting various part of the world, perhaps reading books, and poetry to give herself a wider perspective of life and the arts.
Doctor Fool replies with his idiotic replies, ‘Look! Too many of you youngsters are naive to think that exploring new horizons involves touring the world, reading poetry, and listening to music, and visiting new places, well that is not the ultimate thrill. If you want to be a thrill seeker, why not try hard drugs, like heroin, crystal meth, cocaine, and LSD? Eventually you will become addicted, and lose the desire to visit new places, unless there are drugs there.’


A young teenager walks in to the surgery, and says, he does not fit in, with the cool kids, and would like to be more cool.
Doctor Fool replies, ‘Well why not try, being a bad boy, to get in with the cool kids? You could try smoking, and taking drugs, and robbing cars, bullying people, beating people up, robbing stuff. I find that will improve your street reputation. Even if the cool kids don’t like you. And even better! Why not do a serious crime which makes you end up in prison that will make you infamous?’

A man walks in, and says he does not know his place. He explains that he is lower middle class, and feel the middle class see him as scum, and the working class see him as a ponce.
Doctor Fool replies, that he should pretend to be something he is not. He should pretend to be upper class, He should put on a fake upper class voice, and call himself the local Lord.

A man walks in and says he is not shown respect by people. Because he feels people do not see him as a hero.
Doctor Fool replies, ‘Look! The answer to this is simple. You should buy some old war medals, and a army uniform, and pretend that you fought in a war. People love soldiers. So you should take advantage of that by pretending that you were once in the army. I would not advise joining the army, as that is too dangerous and brave, and too much work. Do it the easy way by pretending you were once in the army. That way you will attract women, and you don’t have to actually do any of the scary real hero stuff.’

A young man walks in, and explains that he would like to join the army, to fight for his country, because he has a sense of duty.
Doctor Fool replies, ‘Well you can’t do that it is too obvious. Why don’t you try something even more heroic, with a sense of duty, where you fight for a cause and become a football hooligan. That way you can beat people up, but not have to go through the army training. That way, people will fear you, and you can reputation as a terrifying individual. Fear is the same as respect.’

A man walks in and explains that he is shy, and finds it difficult talking to people, he asks if the doctor has anything to boost his confidence.
Doctor Fool explains, that he used to bully shy people at school, and that in his view shy people are all weird and probably all do terrible things, and that people should stay clear of them. And he claims wrongly, that all people don’t like weird people. All he has to do is stop being shy, and weird.
The shy person just goes home feeling more lacking in self confidence, at this offensive advise.

A black man walks into the surgery, and says that he does not like the racial abuse he is getting from people in the town, and that it makes him angry.
Doctor Fool is racist, and says that all black people are criminals. The evidence for this is that he knows of a black person who once did a crime. So therefore in his racist view, all black people are criminals. But even though he knows some white people have done crimes, that is not evidence in his racist mind-set, that all white people are criminals.

A man walks into the surgery and says that he wants to get more of a thrill from life, he is thinking of trying roller coasters.
Doctor Fool says that he should try breaking the law, such as attacking people violently, and robbing people. That will give him a real thrill, when he tries to avoid the police.


A man comes to Doctor Fool, to ask what he should do to cure his drinking addiction.
The cruel Doctor Fool laughs, and then calls the man a lightweight, bore who needs to get a life, and become a party animal.

A man comes to see Doctor Fool, and asks how he can cope with money troubles it is causing him and his family stress. Doctor Fool tells him, ‘Go to the bookies every day and gamble. You could win big and then all your money worries will go away. Oh an if you do win. Remember to bet it away right away.’