The Unveiling

The unveiling of this new life that lies ahead of me is threatening everything that I've come to know in my life. All I'm asking is for it to await for my arrival because I've never done this before, for I've never adjusted easily to things. I am discouraged and the reason being is that I thought to myself how much I knew was going to change and I knew very little. It's insinuate and stealthily seeping itself into my existence without any warnings. It's unwelcomed and it shouldn't be allowed to barge into my life but yet I can't do anything in my power to stop it from happening. I didn't choose this for me, this was never the role I wanted to pay. How can I create some sort of delay without having any inconveniences in my way? I'll admit that I'm petrified because now I have to face things on my very own. Now tell me, how am I supposed to deal with the world and have high expectations set for me when I never asked for any of this. I'm upset by the idea that I might not be capable of doing this. Even when I mess up doing the little things, it becomes entirely shameful and an even bigger burden to withstand. Now just imagine if I fail during the most important part of my life then I will never truly forgive myself for what I've done.
There is some truth when I say that I lie to myself because I won't believe the illusion that is my reality. I refuse to confront what's really happening and I blame myself for things that I can prevent. I really can stop some things from happening, but stopping them would mean I'd given in. This isn't what I want for myself, this was what others expect from me and I'll never seem to escape the judgement. I'm desponded because this should not be reality. At the moment, I'm fighting myself because I'm torn about what I should do next. Do I listen to the voices of others, risk misery and dry dreams? Or do I go on with my life to prove myself right to others but risk them saying they were right?
Lastly, this was my ultimate problem, this was my second challenge, the very turning point of my life. Now that I see both sides of the spectrum, I couldn't make up mind with either of these choices. I wasn't to the right or the left you see, I was in a gray area....

This is my very first writing that I shared, I know it seems all over the place but this is what's in my thoughts. If you'd like to comment anything about it or provide feedback, I'd appreciate it. Thank you for reading!