Lies

Oh, the lies that we tell ourselves and others. ‘I’m fine’. That’s probably one of the biggest lies that people tell themselves and others to get through a day. But what does ‘fine’ really mean? It’s not necessarily good or bad. For you Italian Job fans, you know exactly what I’m trying to say; in other words: Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional or F.I.N.E. ‘Fine’ and ‘okay’ are interchangeable, both having similar meanings. Most of the time it’s not fine or okay but that’s what I tell myself and others to get them to back off. It works too. It’s what our brain comes up with when no other answer works and then you don’t have to explain yourself every time the question of ‘are you okay’ comes up. It’s more of a cop-out but it gets exhausting trying to explain yourself over and over again and that kind of thing can cause a person with some sort of mental disorder to trigger, which is never a good thing either.

The song “Holding On” by Chester Bennington of Linkin Park and Kilara goes into some of these issues; Chester writing about his addictions and how they made him feel.

The first verse goes like this:
‘I don’t like my mind right now,
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary’.

By lying about how you feel every time, it eventually becomes a problem that is “unnecessary” to deal with. All the emotion, all keeps “stacking up” until you explode.

The chorus talks a lot about all the problems become heavy on the body and mind. That’s mainly what this song is about.
‘I’m holding on,
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on,
So much more than I can carry.
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I’d just let go I’d be set free.
Holding on,
Why is everything so heavy?’

In the next verse the talks a little bit on how these problems affect the mind.
‘You say that I’m paranoid,
But I’m pretty sure the world is out to get me.
It’s not like I make a choice,
To let my mind stay so fucking messy.’

I know some of my friends are dealing with a lot and their problems are causing much pain, so I don’t push when the words “fine” and “okay” come out. I know it’s not true but I also want to be there for them. My mind can get real “fucking messy” too.


RIP Chester Bennington