A Haunting Obsession

Elizabeth Hellis

AHWA Short Story Entry 2017

4,318 words

A Haunting Obsession

I watched him sleep. The sheets were tied about him as his unconscious mind tossed and turned, his bare skin turning to goosebumps. How I wanted to lie next to him, slide under the sheets, and rest my head on his chest. To feel his breath rise and fall, his heart beat, and to smell his sweat. He stirred as the sun began to rise, eyes beginning to flicker. I wondered what he dreamed about? If I was capable of sleep, or dreaming, I was sure mine would involve him. Walking along the beach in the sunlight, hand cupping my face as he kissed me, the surf crashing in the background. The soft twinkling of the morning gave way to an abrupt blaring from the bedside table. He groaned, and threw the sheets over his head. I giggled and took a few steps closer, to see if he was going to sleep through that annoying jingle. Another groan, louder this time, and he threw the covers back to stop the alarm.

I waited for him in the kitchen while he was in the shower, staring at the photos on the fridge. The smile on his face was infectious, and every time I looked at them I couldn't help but return it. There were friends and alcohol, costumes and celebrations, forests and mountains. All of that left behind. He came into the kitchen with only a towel around his waist. I shook my head at the wet footprints he left behind, his shoulder length black hair dripping water down his back. Opening the fridge, he took out the carton of milk and drunk straight from it, spiling a few drops into his short beard, wiping them away with the back of his hand. That was Tyler for you. We had lived together for the past month, but unlike the others, he did not ignore me. Somehow we made each other's loneliness seem not so infinite, even if he had travelled across the country to follow his dreams.

Tyler disappeared back into the bedroom, and I waited for him to change. A few minutes later he emerged in a black suit, white shirt underneath with the top two buttons undone. He wasn't a tie sort of guy, and his thick neck wouldn't suit one anyway. He had pulled his long hair into a lose bun at the base of his spine. His leather satchel was resting on the kitchen table and he slipped it over his head and across his wide frame.

'How do I look?'

Very handsome.

Gazing at him from head to toe, I realised that he had no shoes, something that only struck him as he was making to leave the room.

'Shit, where are my dress shoes?'

Tyler began searching through his wardrobe and the cardboard boxes he had neglected to unpack yet. I thought I had seen them somewhere, when he was preparing for this very important job interview. Ignoring the valium on his bedside table, which he couldn't seem to do without recently, I helped Tyler search, knowing the clock was forever ticking forward and that he would miss his train if he didn't hurry.

Then I saw them, at the top of the wardrobe, still in their torn and faded original box. Tyler was looking under the bed, pulling out blankets and random clothes that he probably forgot he owned. I tried waving my arms and stamping my feet, but all that resulted in was a small creek in the floorboards, not even enough to make Tyler look up. Closing my eyes, I made myself feel heavy, imagined that nothing could push me down, like metal was running through my veins. I reached for the box and pulled with both hands. It slid forward a centimetre. Again I tried, and moved it about half as much. Cutting myself off from everything around me, the crisp morning sunshine coming through the window, Tyler scuffling behind me, the cars speeding down the road outside, I pulled.

The weight of the box did the rest, and it fell to the ground with a large thump. Tyler was taken off guard by the noise and bumped his head under the bed, emerging with a hand to his temple. Then he saw the shoes and the smile that rose to his face made the effort worthwhile. I felt faint, like I would become nothing except air, and a chill racked my bones that made me feel cold, like I would freeze if I didn't move. Tyler picked up his shoes and cast his eyes around the room.

'Thanks roomie.'

I followed him down the porch and stopped at the letterbox as he walked out onto the street, sending him all the positive feelings I could. The whole move relied on today, and he had been working for weeks on his portfolio. I only wished I could have gone with him. When I lost sight of him, I tried to move forward, but the barrier blocked me. Sometimes Tyler could make me feel like the world was an open book, but it wasn't long before I realised I was stuck here. I had been for 60 years.

In the many years before Tyler, there had been a lonely widow, a family of five that made the house an absolute mess considering it was a one bedroom cottage, a newly married couple who did nothing but fight and then have sex on everything, and a young female student who complained about her accommodation endlessly. Other times the place was empty, forgotten. The house had been vacant for years when Tyler arrived, and mostly I was relieved to have someone with me again, but it only took a few days to decide I never wanted him to leave.

The first time the bedroom door opened by itself Tyler had laughed. After a few days of watching him settle into his new home I wanted to see if I could get through to him. While he was gone during the day, I practiced. Finding I could break through in small gasps to the real world, I spent hours flipping lights, moving objects, and closing doors. Before Tyler I never had cause or reason to try.

While Tyler was eating his measly microwave dinner one night, he started to cough and bang on his chest as if he had inhaled his food instead of swallowed. I managed to push his water bottle towards him from the other end of the table. After having recovered, he pushed the water bottle to the end of the table again and watched it closely. I moved it back, and he jumped up, almost spilling his food onto his lap.

'Okay. I didn't know this place came with a roommate.'

He was scared, but he tried not to be. Even when he became used to objects moving, doors closing, and lights flashing, there would still be that glimpse of initial fear. But I was there for him, through the good times and the bad. When he missed his friends and family, he told me about them, when he was angry at himself for leaving he told me why. Some nights when he couldn't sleep, Tyler would lie in bed and tell me stories about his childhood, his first love, his mother's death. I kept his secrets, soothed him when he was anxious, and no matter what I was always there for him.

'These gentle creatures, born in blood and sacrifice, will herald a new beginning for the species, and their new protected nature will help their numbers to grow. No longer is the Siberian Tiger at risk of extinction, but its role in the wild is now definitely over.'

Tyler paused, the tip of his pen tickled by his tongue. He looked up from his words and scoured the room for signs of life.

'What do you think?'

It's great!

'This is my first investigative piece. I just hope my editor likes it.'

The clock on the wall read half past midnight, and I knew he had to be up by seven, but he had been reading the same piece continuously for hours. Dinner and his nightly shower had been forgotten, as Tyler isolated himself to the coffee table in the small lounge, spilling all his papers across the room as he searched for one quote or another. He needed rest, but he had to be told when enough was enough. I stood before the bedroom door and focused. I became stiff, rock hard, determined. Tyler looked up as his bedroom door pushed itself open.

'Is that a hint?'

Shaking his head, he focused back on his laptop, taking another sip of hours old coffee. Still heavily focused, using all the energy I could pull into myself, I reached out for the light switch, clicking it on then off, on then off, on then off. Tyler shut his laptop and looked at the time, blinking heavily when he saw how late it was. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands before stretching his arms up as high as they could go, a wide yawn escaping his perfect mouth.

'I totally did not realise the time.' Tyler pushed himself off the couch and started towards the bedroom. Before he closed it, he turned to stare at what he thought was an empty room behind him. 'Goodnight roomie.'

Goodnight love.

Then one morning, one just like any other before it, everything changed. He was leaving. What Tyler had managed to unpack so far was put back into boxes, and he spent so much time on the phone with his boss and his father I wasn't able to get any kind of explanation out of him. I slammed a door, hoping to get his attention, and he placed his finger to his lips while telling his father that his home had a draft. Is that all I was to him? A gust of wind, an inconvenience. I caught a glimpse of his computer screen and saw the confirmation of his train ticket back home. A pain rose in my chest, a force so strong that I thought I was dying.

I couldn't lose him, I couldn't be lost to this empty house for another decade. While others ignored me, he knew I was there, accepted me for what I was, never argued or questioned my existence, but just believed from the very start. Why would he decide to leave me here? Didn't he care? Was he just like everyone else?

Tyler had told me his fears, his secrets, but I had told him nothing. My past was my own, and it was something I had shared with no one. No one had been deserving; until now. Excitement coursed through me, knowing that I would show myself to someone for the first time, have him see all of me. Then he would love me, I knew it.

I went into the small backyard and looked around the cluttered space. There were wooden storage boxes, old furniture, and bits and bobs you would find at a trash and treasure market. Climbing up onto an worn and faded couch, the frame all that remained, I put all my energy into my hands and pushed at one of the wooden boxes. I felt the resistance, like a rubber band, holding me back from breaking through to the real world. But he was leaving tomorrow, and he couldn't, and so I pushed.

It fell in one go, smashing against pieces of an old porcelain bathtub, making a loud sound you could have heard from one end of the street to the other. Tyler glanced outside from the kitchen window and hung up the phone. I ran to the basement hatch and waited for him to come outside, which he soon did. With my body filled with a resolute strength, I started to rattle the chains to the basement hatch. Tyler jumped, but he followed the sound and soon he stood at the entry way. He tried to move the doors, but they would not give, and left a rust coloured stain on his hand, which he wiped on his black jeans.

'I'll be right back.'

Tyler snapped the lock with his bolt cutters and pulled the chains off, his arms bulging as he lifted the metal hatch open. I knocked again, applauding his efforts, asking him to take the next few steps down. He produced a flashlight on his mobile phone, and gazed into the depths of the basement. The night air was still as he made his way down the concrete steps, and into the large empty space. Tyler trailed his flashlight across the walls, ducking his head under beams that had carried the weight of the house for generations.

I slammed my hand down onto the brick wall, which made him jump. My apology went unheard. He made his way to the back wall, hearing my call, wanting to find me. Breath heavy, Tyler reached out and touched the bricks, feeling their coarseness, the filler in between coming off on his hands. A part of me thought I would feel different once someone was close to my physical body, but it was the same coldness that I always felt. I wanted to take his hand, as much for him as for me, and I reached out for him but he pulled back as if he had been stung.

'Okay roomie, I'm here. So if you're there, one knock for no, two for yes.'

I waited, hand already against the wall, ready to give my response. All the times he had talked to me, told me about his life, his fears, his triumphs, and I was going to be able to speak back. I wanted to tell him what happened to me, how long I have been alone, how much I loved him.

'You want to show me something?'

Yes.

A small smile broke out onto his face, and he reached out to touch the wall, softly, lovingly. There was an excitement in his eyes, but also fear, as if his body was trying to decide which one would dominate.

'You're not luring me to my death are you?'

No.

He was shaking, and he looked about himself as if he was trying to find me. I wanted to scream for him, to jump up and down until he could see me. If I could knock on the walls, maybe I could somehow make myself solid, or even transparent would suffice. Tyler studied the brick wall, pushing at the middle and feeling a part of it give.

'Did you used to live here?'

Yes.

'Something bad happened to you?'

Yes.

'Can you leave?'

No.

The brick Tyler was playing with gave way and fell inwards. A stale breeze tore through the gap, and with it a smell that made him step back and choke. He put his hand across his face, as if guarding from whatever was coming next. It was dark behind that wall, it was all I ever saw for a long time. Tyler came back and peered through the hole, not stupid enough to put his hand through. Another brick came free, and then another, it barely took any force at all.

'Are you here, behind this wall?'

Yes.

Tyler began tearing at the wall with a new desperation, pulled the bricks apart as if they were putty in his strong hands. Yes, keep going. Find me, find me! He stopped, heart pounding, breath heavy, and he pulled his hair back from his face, dirt running into the beautiful blackness. Tyler cast his flashlight into the almost door sized hole, starting at the bottom, working his way slowly upwards. I had never seen myself before, so I leaned in with him to follow his gaze. My presence made his arm tingle, and he looked right at me, as if he knew I was there, with him all the way.

The years had melded my body into the earth, the white dress I had been wearing was torn and stuck, hands completely buried, skull sticking out, blond hair still falling around my face. I felt it was looking at me, with those holes that used to house my pale green eyes, but it was empty. Lost all this time, forgotten by all, except for him. Tyler fell back and landed hard on his ass. Scrabbling up, he grabbed at his flashlight as he tore from the basement and back up the stairs into the yard. I followed, afraid about what he may have seen, what he thought of me. It was a shock, no doubt, but I had been hoping he would reach for me, touch me, hold me and say it would all be okay and he would stay. Instead, he looked panicked, and he was whispering to himself, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. Tyler looked back at the stairs as if he expected something to follow from the darkness, but I was right by his side, and he still didn't know I always would be.

But I couldn't tell him. I could have screamed, cried out to the heavens above that abandoned me. A sharp breath of wind cut through the garden, which made Tyler snap to attention. Had that been me? Those deep brown eyes had been completely overtaken by fear, and that is what hurt the most. I stepped up to him and stood on the tip of my toes, leaned forward, and kissed him. I closed my eyes and imagined I could feel him, lips pushing back against mine, arms pulling me closer. For a brief moment I thought I felt the heat radiating off him, his body move against mine. Then it was gone, and Tyler stepped back, raising a hand to his lips. He looked at his fingers as if he expected to see something, and his tongue came out to wash his bottom lip.

'Did you just kiss me?'

For the first time he wasn't looking through me, or just to the side, he was looking at me. But I didn't like what was written on his face; disgust, terror, pain. My stomach dropped, knowing I had opened myself completely to him, even having him be the first to see me, the real me, and he was still going to turn and leave. He was always going to leave, and I had just given him more of a reason. Tyler started shaking his head, stepping further and further away, eyes leaving me as if I was nothing.

In that moment I felt the knife slice my skin open, my life pouring out. Again and again the sharp blade came down, puncturing my chest, legs, arms, and face. He said he would leave his wife for me, take me to the big city where we wold start over, and then he took it all back. I went into his house one warm summer evening, and I never came out. Everything hurt, and I fell to the ground before Tyler, silently sobbing. Was I so ugly I could not be loved, was my soul too dirty? Would true love pass me by, finding me unworthy of even the simplest affection. Tyler had been different, he had known I was there and didn't care, he shared himself with me, relied on me to keep his secrets. He was my everything.

'I can't do this, I cannot do this,' Tyler repeated as he made his way to the back door.

I was nothing more than a party trick, an anomaly, something that he did not want to have to explain. It was if a brick wall had been built around him, and I couldn't feel him anymore. He was blank and empty, but I was full. The rage in me almost boiled over, and I felt my power coil around the whole house, squeezing it, as despair racked my body. The walls of the home began to shake, as if struck by a very localised earthquake. I fed the pit inside me and started pulling the house down, brick by brick, tile by tile. A scream echoed through the night, and it came from me.

I found Tyler in his bedroom picking up his suitcase, laptop bag, and hightailing it down the hall towards the front door. Parts of the ceiling slammed against the floor in fist sized chunks, enough to do a decent amount of damage to the floor and everything else around it. Just as he reached the front door, I threw out my arms and pulled the walls down on either side. Tyler managed to step back before he became trapped under the rubble. A lose piece of ceiling hit Tyler's head, and he staggered momentarily, hand shooting up to protect himself. He turned for the back door, walking right through me as if I was not even there, like he couldn't feel me. Or he didn't want to.

I thought he cared, that he was the one person who did. I may be dead, but that didn't mean I didn't matter. That I didn't want to feel love, friendship, compassion, and understanding. I screamed again, pulling and tearing, flipping over the dinner table, his precious reading chair. The windows shattered, glass catching Tyler's arms and face, a few drops of blood staining the floor.

Tyler made it outside and looked for an escape, but I followed and called the very ground beneath him to crack open, to split apart and drag him down. His foot was caught, and he frantically tried to pull at it, while looking around for something he couldn't see. Tyler cried out as the bones in his ankle began to snap, his beautiful golden skin riddled with cuts, a bruise forming on his forehead.

'Stop. Stop it, please.'

The least he could have done was face his death with some semblance of pride. Not many of us know it is coming. We would be together, one way or another. Trapped in this house he would learn to love me, come to see that I am his whole world, just as he was mine. I stroked his face with the back of my hand, saying goodbye to his mortal body one last time. Tyler looked me straight in the eyes, his pupils growing wide as his jaw dropped.

'I can see you,' he whispered.

I gasped and everything stopped; the house behind me went quiet, the earth stopped grinding against itself. What did I look like? It had been decades since I had seen my own reflection. Looking down at myself, I could see a whisper, like a face in a thick mist, a drawing on a window covered in condensation. Tyler reached towards me and cupped a hand around my face, although he still couldn't touch me. I snuggled into him as if I could feel the softness of his skin, the tender touch of his fingers. In that brief moment I lost myself, which allowed Tyler the time to pull his foot from the ground, turn from me and ran for the back fence, leaving his bags behind, throwing himself over in two moves, a cry on pain as he landed on the other side.

I burned, from the inside out, I cried tears I didn't know I had, I balled my hands into fists. He tricked me, used me, and he was gone. In one solid burst the house behind me imploded, spilling out a cloud of dust, dirt, and pain. A ball of energy built inside me, and I came to my feet and screamed. Collapsing on the ground, I pulled my legs to my chest and watched as the house crumbled, the earth opened up to swallow it whole. The house sunk until there was nothing above ground, just a pit of hopelessness and despair.

I sat on the rubble of my house and wept. The dawn was coming, and everyone had gone. A trail of yellow tape had been erected around my house warning those away. One of the men in suits had said something about a sinkhole, but I wasn't paying attention. Tyler had not returned, but his bags and property had been taken away. What would become of me now? I had thought Tyler would give me everything I had been missing, and instead he took away everything that I had. My body had dissolved into the earth somewhere, likely never to ever be found again. No one would ever know what happened to me.

The yellow tape looked like a low hanging smile, and it laughed at me. No one would ever come near me again, and in that moment I missed the screeches of children, the moans of a spoilt adolescent, and the secrets of a man who was starting his life over. I felt nothing but anger as I waked past the front gate and pulled at the tape, snapping it in two as if my hand was as sharp as a butcher's knife.

It was only then I realised that I was standing beyond at the front gate. I looked back in awe. I had never been allowed this far away from the house before. Cautiously, I took another step forward and felt no hesitation, no strain, only a nothingness that signalled my release. I started to walk up the path, towards the top of the street, looking back at the remains of my home one last time, knowing that I would never return. There was nothing left there for me now. The world stood before me, endless and ominous. But I knew where I wanted to go. I had seen it on the computer screen; an address. I would be everything I promised, I would never be alone, and he will love me.

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