been thinking about love

been thinking about love a lot.

not just love as in marriage and romantic relationships, but in any kind of relationship, really.




i don't actually know what love is
what it means
what it is made up of


despite the lack of knowledge i have on the subject, i have always craved it.
I've searched for it my whole life.
in crushes.
in friends.
in acceptance from people i don't make eye contact with while walking down the street.




i have only recently come to understand the difference between
liking the idea of someone and actually, genuinely liking someone.
i have a nagging desperation for something that i don't understand or even really comprehend.


lots of prayer
lots of prayer


i hope to one day be able to stay present enough in god
so i don't have to deal with this hole that has ended up consuming


every second


of each of my passing thoughts.