I learned in
life that all people are both thin and fat at the same time. And I
met some people who are fat in body, but thin in confidence and
self-esteem, while some of them are thin in body, but fat in
shallowness and indifference. And somewhere along the way it became
more important to be thin in body than fat in love, kindness and
creativity.
At some point
during our journey we left the fat people behind, because we're
thin and therefore walk faster. And instead of slowing down and
reaching out for them to help we're saying 'THEY should run
faster!' and 'THEY should get thin!'.
Being
fat is unhealthy. I've heard this a million times, yet no one ever
cared about my health. When I started losing weight they never
thought that maybe I lack vitamins or calcium, that I get dizzy and
blurry everytime I stand up, that I start trembling out of the blue
or that I catch a cold ten times faster than I did before (and yes, a
doctor provided my diet for me) - now I can run as fast as they
can, so I must be fine! But I did hear 'Wow! You look so
beautiful!'.
I reached the
point where I feel guilty everytime I eat something that isn't part
of my diet. I look at myself in the mirror and feel like the 40 kg.
that I got rid of came back just because of one damn cookie. And if
God forbid I dare eat that cookie there is always someone watching
out for it, telling me I shouldn't. It doesn't have to be a
cookie, it could be an extra egg in the morning... or toast.
When I was fat I
heard people telling me 'You'd be so beautiful if you just lost
weight!' and once I did I heard 'You should start working out
now!'. And I know how this turns out: first you're too fat, then
not thin enough, then not fit enough. And when you finally ARE fit
enough... you're overdoing it. Nobody cared that much about what
you looked like anyway, right?
But being fat is
not temporary, because it's not just about your body anymore. It's
part of you. And MAYBE you can get rid of those extra pounds, but you
can never get rid of what they meant to you.
When I was in
middle school, after the Christmas break, I was walking down the
hallways towards my classroom and I passed a bunch of 8th
graders on my way. I knew too well they were going to say something,
but it still hit me like a cold shower: 'Look! They fattened the
pig for the Christmas dinner!'. (Yes, I was the pig). By that time
I had already done the walk of shame so many times it got automatic.
When I was in
high school I went clothes shopping. Do you know how hard it is to
find something that fits the fat? The world is made for thin people
and the rest of us should just adapt. As I was entering a shop the
two little girls behind me whispered in surprise 'Wow! She's so
fat!'. I guess I was abnormal.
And the other
day I was telling someone about how I hate eating in public because
when I was fat people always made fun of me. The reply was 'It
didn't bother you that much if you didn't lose weight until
now!'. Because the problem was mine. I was supposed to change so
people wouldn't make fun of me, but those people... not. You can't
change the way they are.
I reached the
conclusion that the most unhealthy part of being fat is people
screwing you up. And I am not saying that being fat IS healthy
(although I WAS and many people ARE both fat and healthy). But nobody
shamed others for colds or chicken pox or headaches.
That's
unhealthy too, right?
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