Find Me

Find Me is actually a song by Kings of Leon. I’ve been listening to it a lot lately because I feel it speaks to my current and messed up relationship that I have with another guy. Or at least how the relationship started out.

Let's start with the first verse:

See you on a western sky
All my best tonight
Out in the dark
You always seem to come my way
Come and take your shape
Out on the stars
I really wanna know your name
See your face, know who you are, who you are

I’m a shy person and never tend to make the first move when it comes to talking to guys. I saw this guy all the time but never went up to him. I even had a friend give him my number. He was really cute and I didn’t know if he noticed me or not but he was always around the places I tended to go to as well. I pointed him out to one of my girlfriends that night and she went up to talk to him about me. Then we all (including him) went our spot at the riverfront to hang. He was extremely hot and I was drawn to him. It felt like to pieces of a puzzle connecting perfectly.

The chorus:
How did ya find me, how did ya find me?
What are you looking for, are you looking for
How did ya find me how did ya find me
Up in the shadow, picking up my load

We seemed to have perfect chemistry and in a messed up way we still do when we’re not fighting with each other. But we needed each other. Being co-dependent with another co-dependent person can actually cause many problems. At the same time I was dating another guy too. This article relates to both of them, especially the chorus. Luke and I had been in an off-and-on relationship since 2012 but it was difficult for me cause I knew what I wanted but he never seemed to know what he wanted. I got lonely with him not being able to visit often, which in turn brought me to this guy. Sometimes I wonder if the chorus is about me finding him or him finding me. I think it’s both.

Next verse:
I’m waiting on the smoke to rise from behind your eyes
Take me away
Follow me into the wild with a twisted smile, I can’t escape
Now I got you by my side, all my life, day after day
From the grave

This new guy and I were always around each other. When we weren’t people used to ask me “Where’s your other half”? He definitely was a wild one and brought my wild side too. Skipping ahead a few months I was now just dating Steve. Seeing the lyrics now I do realize he had my back all the time it just doesn’t seem or feel that way too me. Too much bad has happened between us. Steve is an all or nothing person, so either it was be in a relationship with him or be enemies forever and Steve would try to destroy my life forever. A bit dramatic I know, but this guy is quite the drama queen.

Basically, whenever we get separated for one reason or another we always find ourselves back with each other. I go and find him or he comes to find me.