Past Present Future

Who knows what will happen to us in the future? All I know is that I'm terrified If i'm homeless will my family help me. Will i be famous and make it big? Will I perish on the streets? Will i have a family with kids who hate me?
I hate to think about the future.
It's terrifying. The present is even worst. You make a joke or say one thing and that's the end of the line.
You say the wrong thing and your a slut.
I get tired of all this crap it's like a knife in your back, and if it's removed you'll bleed out and you may die.
But, if you keep it in you live with this heavy baggage on your heart.
The past is quite possibly the worst thing ever.
Because you can't take the past away. You can only just not look back on it.
That's the hardest part because you slip up sometimes and someone brings up something and your forces to look back at something you are dreading to see.
Like how suicidal you were
or how ugly you were
and how many things you saw and wished you couldn't
Or you made the wrong decisions once and it bites you in the back in the future.
All i want to do is go back in the past but, when i think of it what if that happened for a reason?
What if it was God's will for it to happen?
Then if that's the case I'm glad my life was terrible then, and that it's better now. Or is it better now? Am i just going in a downward spiral and don't notice it?
That's my fear the past, the present, and most importantly the future.