'Letter to a Lover'

Letter to a Lover


Dear Evan,

You've been on my mind lately. I can still hear the steady chatter of the birds among the trees. The feeling of your arms around my own is one which I cannot seem to forget. A warm, Scottish Spring, the smell of the musty pond is one which I am happily acquainted with. Captivating colours of red, pink and yellow make the flowers appear somewhat more agreeable than usual.

I can still remember our first evening together. For the first time in years, I feel both free and content. I cannot quite remember whether my comfort was down to the love I felt for you or the enchanting scenery that I now recall. The bench that we are sat on looks upon the magnificent city of Edinburgh- the castle and the Scott's Monument are in perfect sight however my interest is elsewhere. My eyes are fixated on the beaming, blue eyes staring back at me. Of all the notable memories I have experienced in my short-lived life, this moment is one of which I will cherish forever.

Reflecting on this moment feels somewhat odd and perhaps even intrusive. Feelings of nostalgia, loss and a longing to experience this moment again blur the warmth that I remember so fondly. In order to truly appreciate a memory, it is important to look past the bitter and harsh reality of what happened afterwards. For now, I will attempt to focus on only the good.

The sun finally peaks out from behind the clouds and the sky is once again a beautiful shade of blue. Idle chatter can be heard from various areas of the park however I am ignorant to this, content in a bubble that consists of only myself and you. The heat from the sun presses firmly against my skin and with the rosy colour of my cheeks, I feel radiant and somewhat pretty for the first time in what feels like forever. I am questioning whether you feel the same.

I loved you more than I loved the flowers in the Spring however like all things, the flowers eventually fade and wither, drained of their youth and colour. We as people grow and develop just as the flowers do and finally, I am accepting of change. Although thinking of you brings back painful memories that I am reluctant to recall, I can always rely on this memory to bring a smile to my face and simultaneously a tear to my eye.

The clouds once again overshadow the sun and I am reminded that we cannot stay here forever, much to my disappointment. Love can do crazy things to people and in that moment in time, I wanted nothing more than to just sit with you by my side and ponder. Love tends to put me in a state of delusion, a state of mind that makes me feel as though anything is achievable. At this particular point, the conversation was little but never awkward in any sense of the word. We looked closely at each other without saying a word, almost reading each other's minds. Puppy love? Perhaps. But it didn't matter, we had a connection and at that moment, I felt as thought we were unbreakable.

Harsh bone structure, brooding eyes and perfect brown hair are the three prominent features I remember so fondly. You always had such a menacingly handsome face that even now I find hard to comprehend. Why did you make me feel so crazy?

Perched in the same spot for 2 hours straight, we decide to take a walk through the park in order to find a place to eat. Evening is approaching and it will soon be time to go our seperate ways. Our hands touch and at this moment in time, I feel as though I can conquer anything. I am relucant to let go of your warm hands however we stop at a small, cosy restaraunt to grab something quick to eat. There is something strangely special about watching the one you love eat or even taking part in every day tasks such as sleeping- perhaps because we are seeing them at their most vulnerable in which they have no protective barrier. We ordered a plate of chips and shared them between us over a delighful conversation of the future and what we intended to do with our lives- oh how things now seem so different. How I can still remember the minor details is completely beyond me, but I do. I remember it all so clearly. I am always wondering whether you remember this evening as well as I do.

After our meal, you offered to walk me home, much to my surprise as I live quite a distance away. Still to this day, I remember this kind gesture and appreciate it more than I can attempt to describe. It is beginning to turn dark and yet I feel as though I am safe under your protection. Unfortunately we have arrived at my house and we part ways unwillingly with a hug.

Even now, this remains the single happiest day of my life. Although we are no longer together, it brings me so much joy to think of this memory and be able to claim it as my own. I have to thank you. You taught me to live every day to the fullest, to appreciate the simple things in life and to take every day as it comes.

I am still trying to come to terms with the concept of love. The love we shared was most definitely a rollercoster experience however I am still unsure. What is "love"? Is it the fairytale ending that is often mentioned in the literature we read or is it a simple understanding between two humans that allows us to endure the harsh beauty of reality together?

Whilst I look back on this memory, I am reminded of the pain you caused me. You let me fall so very deep in love and then you left without saying why. But it's okay now. I have come to terms with all that happened and I have made peace with myself and the memory of you. Everything that happened during the end of our relationship is now irrelevant, I will no longer ponder on the "what if's?".

Whether love is a fictional concept or not, there is no doubt in my mind that what I experienced in this moment with you is true and honest love. In writing this letter, I send my kind regards and hope that you have a pleasant future. I do not expect a reply, I simply want you to know that all is well. As for me? I am happier than ever. You will always hold a special place in my heart and I vow to keep this memory close to me forever. Thank you.

With Affection,
Lyla x