Little Black Rock from the Ocean

Johanna-Marie was a very quite girl with a bubbly personality. I had met her at a party that my brother invited me out to, but I couldn't enjoy any of it because I couldn't stop staring at her. Something about the way she laughed made her eyes spark to life in a way that melted my heart. I knew that I had to spend more time with her. After gaining enough liquid courage at the bar, I was able to invite her out.

It was at the local beach that I took her for our first date. It was a little plot of sand next to a hidden cove of ocean, but all the locals knew it as a little slice of heaven. What made it magical was the seclusion of it. It wasn't even an official beach, so few tourists would end up there. Even when there were many people, there were enough spots tucked away that you could find a way to feel like you were alone and only you were looking out at the world. The water was very dangerous so nobody ever swam in it. I loved it though. It was beautiful when the sun started going down. Enough to make you ponder on life. To make you feel small in the grand scale of this beautiful world, but in a good way. It made you feel like there was more out there then just what you could see. This is the main reason why I brought girls to this spot on dates. They would look out at the amazing sunset with its hues of orange and red with stars in their eyes. With a few like that, who would want to waste the opportunity to steal a kiss?

Today was different though. We were sitting on a towel watching the sun go down and this one was absolutely gorgeous. I looked over at her but instead of seeing the normal surprised awe in every girls eyes, I saw such a concentrated calculating look on her face. She was thinking deep thoughts. She turned to me and asked me.
"When you look out there, Do you see an ocean or do you just see water?" I wanted to be smooth because obviously she was looking for one of those poetic answers.
I said,"I see a grand and beautiful ocean, water is not grand enough to make anyone feel this way."
She just smiled at me and gave a look that asked "Are you sure?" and I second guessed myself. I wasn't sure what answer I could have given to such an obscure question. We stayed in silence for a while. Then she picked up a small little black rock that had been next to our towel and gave it to me. As if the rock itself was the answer to our little question. As if the rock was the answer that I had to figure out. As she gave it to me she asked me one last question before she got up and left.


***


"Will you remember me?" I repeated as I parked my car on the beach. I smiled to myself. Indeed I had always remembered her. Even now all these years later. I remember her like it was my life's work. I would often come back to this beach again and again with the rock wondering what I should have answered that day. How I could have really impressed her. Luckily though It wasn't the last time I had seen her. I had met her again several times. With laughter in my chest I was able to recall another soft memory here on the beach.


***

I had just put the ring around her finger, It was a beautiful day for a wedding. When we gave our final kiss to seal the contract, it was then I realized I kept my love for her. We smiled a lot that day. We laughed at things that weren't funny. We complained about sand in our shoes and sea salt in our hair even as we loved it. I got that kiss I had been waiting for again and again this day.
After everything had happened we took a walk down to that spot and sat getting her dress and my tux dirty. It was then I gave her back the little black rock and said to her "I will always remember you". A little shocked I still had it, she looked with a grin waiting for the next part. What was the answer to her question that day.
After a while I gave her what I had decided, "Its just water. In the grand scheme of things what is an ocean but a collection of small beautiful parts. Fish, coral, salt, and water. All part of something greater. The ocean is nothing but a make up of water." She gave me a look as if I was trying to hard so she simply smiled and ran away but this time I chased her.


***

I sat on the beach holding the rock and I could feel the heat of her hands on it still. I remembered her with everything in my soul. I remembered her all a little too well standing there with this horrible question still in my head. Which is the answer to her riddle I'm sure. Yet there was still one last painful memory with Johanna-Marie that I would have to remember.

***

She was laying in her hospital bed where she had been for months. Doctors kept coming out to me shaking their heads. I still believed with all my heart that she would be fine though. I think I had even been able to trick her into thinking so. I came to her hospital bed that day with flowers and balloons and I said "Happy 30th anniversary" and she smiled at me the same way she always had. The kind of smile that made your day worth living. I never wanted to leave that smile. It was only a moment though. She was really sick that day. She was weak and shaking but still able to smile that smile. We talked for about ten minuets. Then She pulled something out from a mess beside her bed. It was the little black rock she had given me so long ago on our first date. She gave it to me again and asked me with stars still in her eyes
"Will you remember me?"
and I whispered into her ear "I will always remember you"
She never woke up. So I got into my car and drove as fast as I could to the beach where it felt like my life had began.


***

So here I am. Holding the rock that meant so much to the both of us. As I looked out to the ocean with that beautiful sunset, I realized that the ocean was so much more than water, and the water so much more than an ocean. It was an escape. It was something profound without a name. It was all a matter of perspective.

The question had no real answer but the rock that she had given me was what held my answer all along. I started collecting a bunch of rocks just like it. And sticking them in my pockets. More and more collecting them up and down the beach. When I felt I had enough I took my one special rock and turned to the ocean.
I don't know what question the sea brings, only what it answers. It was my way back home to her and the rock was my way to remember. So as I started walking into the water deeper and deeper, I could feel the kiss of Johanna-Marie in the receding waves of the ocean.