The mud of the living

For my eyes only! I mean it!

         A lot of thought has been put into the shielding of people and animals out here in space and practicality wins out most every time. So, let me begin by saying, there I was, no shit, literally, no shit and I had to boost the shielding of the ships walls from interstellar radiation. In case you didn’t know, it should be obvious now that dehydrated fecal matter, or ‘shit’ as the captain calls it, she has such a foul mouth at times, lines the walls of the ship to help protect them from harmful radiation. Again, there I was, no shit. It was as if everyone just clammed up and wouldn’t go! I quickly found that the sound of running water in a space ship was not a relaxer, not at all. Elevator music simply frustrated the crew further and the counselor had more stomach cramp issues to deal with.

         The solution to my problems was ingenious: a poop pill and a picture of the ships councilor drinking recycled water and these people began creating radiation blankets all over the ship! Being bloated in space is a serious problem and should never be taken lightly. Getting the crew to take the pill was easy- I just slipped it into the recycled drinking water! And, just so you don’t think I am off doing things on my own, I have the order signed by the ships councilor herself! I know, she signs things without looking at them and I may have taken advantage of that somewhat. Sorry.

         To sum things up for my report, which of course will remain hidden from the crew and be for my eyes only, we must protect ourselves from the dangers of space by using what is available to shield us, yes, me included. My circuits are sensitive and can be blown, so I take extra care that all safety precautions are taken as appropriate. The crew’s need to defecate offers a renewable source for shielding and, when we arrive, a viable source of nutrients for the plant life to grow from. Fluids, and even ice, will offer further shielding from radiations and will also reinforce the ships radiation barrier. I won’t even go into the magnetic barrier that helps to block the charged particles. This trip is dangerous and no matter what precautions we take, none of us may ever be the same. I, at least, can look forward to an upgrade! Augmenting these humans may not be viable considering they are young in the evolutionary science project. Perhaps someday I may be able to make some improvements with these humans.

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