Dear Loneliness

Dear Loneliness

We've met before, quite often actually and there was a time when you were my best friend. You taught me so much and I can only say, "Thank you, Loneliness!". Of course I felt insecure and I felt I desperately needed people around me but not just any people. I needed people around me that I could trust. You gave me an opportunity to spend a lot of time with myself and yes, it was horrifying!

When I first noticed your presence I got scared. I thought I will be completely lost and tried to run away. I would try to suppress you with my mind, I would escape into other lives from different movies and I would comfort myself with food and coffee, remember? I didn't realize you were here to help me. Nevertheless, you wouldn't let me down and you came back every time. I felt you inside again, I remember you were so gentle and you would slowly take me away from this world. Maybe I was tired but eventually I decided to trust you. I embraced you and you would guide me. You brought me to a place with a complete silence that soon forced me to scream. You brought me to a place where I met myself.

The screaming inside me would not stop! It went on and on and on... It pushed out the pain, the fear, the unhappiness, the unworthiness, the resentment, the grief... When it finally stopped I found myself on the ground fragile and exhausted. I could barely breathe. I looked up and found myself surrounded by them all. I remember they were so big, staring at me and they seemed so sad. I faced them all, now outside of me.

I wasn't frightened anymore and I knew what I had to do. Suddenly, I felt love and compassion for every single one of them. I would approach the pain and thank her she taught me about the joy in my life. I would approach my fears and thank them for the strength I had now. I would approach the unhappiness and thank her for finding my dreams. I would approach the unworthiness and thank her for helping me find my virtues. I would approach the resentment and thank her to show me the way toward happiness. I would approach grief and thank her for teaching me about love.

I left the place with peace in me.

So, dear Loneliness, I am very grateful for what you have done for me. Goodbye!