Excessive Inadequacy

What I am, I cannot be
Not all at once in it’s entirety.
I exceed my allotted space, but never fulfill
The requirements.
The rules. So many unwritten, but even as
I commit them to paper, I cannot manage.
I am overwhelmed and underwhelmed.
I am even, I fear, at times, sidewhelmed.
I am whelmed in every possible way.
Restless tongue now sits exhausted,
Unwilling to receive reproach.
Recoiling from invitations to speak
Invitations to judgement.
Questions that seem so simple
have always had long answers.
Though the answers have grown longer,
the responses have become shorter.
Vastness is contained in its allotted space.
Shortcomings are being stretched in length.
The fibers of my being simultaneously ripped
and compressed impossibly densely.
Me searches for Me, Too.
Heartache cries for knowledgeable affection
I stand at the tide
Trying to constrain it with my fingers.
The salty brine overcomes my efforts
And I am drenched in inadequacy
Soaked in indifference
I wonder at my predicament.
So many that love me
But none that stand by me,
Shoring up my heart.
Vastness could face the tide,
could it remember how to be enough.