Fallen Angel

Everything about her made him feel whole. The scent of her hair was one that he could never fully get out of his nostrils and the taste of her lips was that of something so sweet and delicate that he could not find the words to fully describe it. Had he not known this woman he felt that he would never have known what it was truly like to be alive. He wouldn't know what it was like to finally be whole. That was all he had ever wanted and it was having her in his arms that allowed him to finally achieve that beautiful sense of peace and love.

"I want you to know," he mumbled into her hair softly as they laid together, "that I love you. I've always loved you."

"You barely know me," she yawned as she snuggled into his warm body and tried to shrug off talk that sounded as if it was just the sweet nothings of a very satisfied lover. He couldn't have known her long enough to know he loved her. She barely even knew enough about him to know if she actually loved him.

"Joy," one of his hands slid into her's so he could hold onto those gentle fingers. "I can feel it so strongly." He brought her hand to his chest and flattened her palm over his heart so she could feel it beating. It was a strange feeling to him as he had never known what it was to have a heartbeat. Not until he had come here. "Can't you feel it?"

Joy opened her eyes and tilted her head upward so that she could read the emotion on the man's face. She could feel his heartbeat and how strong it was. Whether or not that beat was for her, she wasn't sure, but she didn't want him to try to make his entire existence about her. That was too much of a burden for any woman to handle. "Azazel." She sounded so unsure of everything as she spoke. "Don't pin all your hopes on me. I don't want that. I don't need that hanging over me. It's too much pressure." She didn't think he was trying to make her feel bad. She just felt as if he wasn't seeing things from the right point of view.

Azazel drew her into him even tighter, wanting to feel every piece of her body against his. He wanted her to know that he knew exactly how he was feeling, even if the feeling was something so new to him. "I don't mean to pressure you. I just want to let you know how I feel. It's important to me."

"For future reference," Joy pulled herself up onto one of her elbows and rested her chin in her hand, "Saying that you don't mean to pressure a girl usually just makes her feel like you're trying to pressure her." She was watching his face for any signs that he might not feel the way he said he did, but she didn't see any. That was a real relief. If she couldn't trust and honest-to-goodness angel then who could she really trust in this world?

"So, you don't want me to share my true feelings with you?" Azazel looked very confused about where this conversation was going. His head cocked a little, like a puppy trying to make sense of a new object, and it made Joy giggle. He smiled at that giggle, because that slight giggle sounded like the chorus of a million angels to him. It was the most beautiful sound on this very earth and he wished he could live with that sound in his ears for all of eternity.

"I just want you to really think about things before you decide to say them. Sometimes, telling the whole truth doesn't work as well as you might think."

Joy brought the fingers of her free hand up to touch Azazel's face and he closed his eyes to allow the feeling of her touch to wash over him. It was a perfect feeling, something he never wanted to end. She didn't want it to end either, but she didn't know if she could handle being the one thing in this world that he had to live for. It really was too much pressure to take. Their life together could never be perfect. He didn't understand how the world worked and would always look at her as if she was the most perfect thing ever created. She was far from perfect. The guilt made Joy pull her fingers away from his cheek, but Azazel put his hand onto her's to keep her from pulling away.

"Azazel. Please," she whispered softly. There was so much welling up inside and Joy didn't want to get caught up in the emotions again. She didn't want to feel the guilt that she had for loving such a beautiful creature. She didn't feel deserving of this love. It felt as if she was taking advantage of a creature that had chosen to love her with all of his heart.

"Joy," Azazel mumbled into her hair as he started to kiss the side of her face.

His eyes finally met her's again and she felt as if he was staring into her very soul. It was a disturbing feeling. She never enjoyed it when he made that kind of contact with her. She didn't like the thought that someone else could see inside her and know so much. She averted her eyes and tried to hide her sins from his gaze.

Azazel didn't like it when Joy became withdrawn. He might be able to see her sins, but it wasn't his place to judge those who sinned. There were others for that and they would be coming for him eventually. His sin was a bittersweet one. His fall from grace was nowhere near as elegant as that of his many brothers, but it was still a fall. If she wanted to compare sins then she need not look any further than to him.

The silence they shared in that moment was heavy with sadness. Why would a Lord as merciful as He allow this to go on for as long as it did? Why would He make their time together so beautiful and then shatter their hope? Joy was sure that everything that had happened in the last few days was nothing, but a strange dream. She knew she would wake at any moment and have nothing left of him to remember. His memory would fade and he would be just another abstract thought that she reflected on from time to time. A beautiful dream that she would always try to recapture when she slept, but would never quite be able to grasp again.

It was with this realization that Joy finally began weeping. She had tried so hard to be strong, but now that the sun was setting she knew that there would be no more time. Faking strength and trying to deny how she felt was not going to solve the problem that was coming toward them at a furious pace.

Azazel did his best to wipe the tears from Joy's cheeks. He wanted to help her through her grief, but his heart was just as full of sorrow as her's. He even thought that he could sense a bit of fear deep down, but his acceptance of his fate negated that fear. He laid kisses across Joy's face once more before pulling her tightly against him in order to try to soothe her sobs.

"I don't want you to go."

"You know I have to."

Joy took a breath as if she was going to say something else, but nothing came out. There was nothing else she could think to say that would be satisfactory to soothe them in their current situation. Instead, she laid her head against Azazel's chest and listened to his heart beat along with her's. She didn't think angels had hearts, but he proved her wrong. The sound was beautiful and and its rhythm was strong.

She woke up some time later to find herself alone. Azazel's side of the bed still bore the telltale mark of his presence as a minor indentation in the sheets and pillow, but her bed had grown cold without him there. The scent of the angelic creature lingered in her blankets and even her hair. She would do her best to keep his memory from fading, but she knew her sorrow from his loss would never fade. Her heart and soul would always ache for the angel and the love that they shared.

Entry for "Paranormal Romance Contest" 
Prompt: "Romance With a Fallen Angel"
Word Count: 1449