Oh the Dreary Pronoun

Well, I am an English major. This Mechanics of Grammar is my last course before I graduate from freshman to sophomore. The dark side of pronouns is dropping my GPA steadily, one drudging week at a time. Each rule seems to contradict the last. I found myself so anxious about trying to get the subjective, objective, and possessives just right, that tears welled in my eyes. I laughed at myself and took a much needed break from my hideous coursework. Today, I have a much better attitude, but the rules of grammar, unfortunately, have not changed. I must persevere, I know. There must be some trick to figuring out these widely used, enigmatic little words. We use them so often, but rarely in the grammatically correct form when speaking. "We are faster than they." I mean, who says that?! Me, being of good Yankee stock, would bellow a gloat along the lines of, "Yo! We ah wicked fastah than them!" So writing about the proper little thorns in my side and how to correctly place them in a sentence is daunting. I had no idea how ignorant I am, when it comes to our beautiful language. Oh, how I have desecrated the spoken word....
Signed,
Shameful in ENG/230