Singleness

Angelica, are you happy? “ That is the question I recently got from a man who is lucky enough to be my ex-boyfriend 10 years ago. I felt surprised how he would literally ask such question straight to my face. Well, that is not the first time I am subjected by a man regarding my happiness and enthusiasm. To be honest, the answer to the query would still be a 100% YES! I am happy.

I wondered how men think about the definition of happiness for a woman. By looking on the surface level of the queries men asked regarding happiness, men tend to equate a woman’s real happiness merely on being in a relationship with an opposite sex. There is no disagreement that love can make our life go round. In addition to that, love and affection from others, especially from a man, will surely make a woman feel secured and on a cloud nine. Love is something that we all want to experience and to share with the right person, not just for time being but something that we hoped could last forever.

I met a friend last Sunday, she is a sexy single mom by the way and surprisingly she asked me the same thing. “Angelica, why do you always look happy?” In a heartbeat, I responded, "It's simple, it is my nature!". This time, I decided to share my thoughts about it.

Happiness is a choice. Whenever we wake up in the morning, we only have 2 choices; to be sad or to be happy. Now the choice is yours to make. In my case, I automatically chose to be a cheerful one. I will not say I don’t have problems or not experiencing difficulties, I am human like everybody else so I certainly do have bad days. However, as I said, happiness is a choice. Regardless of circumstances, I will never let the situation completely drag me down. It is not that I avoid facing the problems but it is more of becoming positive regarding the situation. It is basically choosing to respond rather than to react abruptly without considering the pros and cons in every condition. I would rather keep smiling and maintain my optimism rather than dwelling on worries and feeling the discomfort of mediocrity. Eliminating negative thoughts early in the morning is one of the key ingredients to keep a wide smile all through your day. If you are not used to doing as such, you may consider practicing it. As what the popular cliché stated, “Fake it until you make it”. I am not saying that it is okay to be fake, what I am implying here is that if you were not into liking yourself then you have to learn how to start accepting your eternal best friend, YOU!!! Look in the mirror, smile and give some nice encouraging words about yourself. It is necessary that you are affirming that your existence is a miracle and that you have a reason on why you’re here in this world. If you have not discovered your purpose yet, do not worry because the right time will definitely come for you. Be patient and just keep on smiling surely the universe will smile back at you.

Celebrate being single. Let me just share something with every single man and woman in the world. Being single is not a curse; it is a gift of life. Being single will never ever make you less as a person. It is one of those periods in our existence that we all have to experience. Singleness is not something that we could be terrified off rather something that we must enjoy. I believe that being single gave us the opportunity to discover our self even more so. It is the time in our life that you are given all the luxury to do the things that you wanted to do, to explore the world, to fall in and fall out of love and learn from it, to clearly identify that kind and type of man or woman who you wanted to kiss, hug, make love with and to wake up with a smile in each and every single morning. Singleness will give you time to develop a skill and to find your passion. It is like having a blank sheet of white paper in which you are the sole designer, painter and decision maker on how and what kind of outcome you expect it to be. You can create the canvas of your single life using a plain monotonous boring black and white pencil or you can decide to play with the colors, use different materials, plan, and travel around, make it fun and appreciate the excitement brought by adding life to your paper. Again, the choice is yours.

Keep your life busy. There is a big difference of busy being busy for nothing and you being busy because you are working on your action plans regarding where you wanted to be and who you wanted to become. Having a busy life is phenomenal yet the question would then be is it productive? Do you think that what you are doing in your 24 hours would bring you to the level that you want to achieve or you are just busy wasting your time filling the ticking of your clock doing unimportant things? I am not a perfect woman, I also have times of laziness where I just literally would only want to lay on my bed and do nothing. There are also times that I have so many cobwebs in my mind not knowing what I wanted to do. I believe it is normal, the scary thing and what I found strange is when you are already at your 30s, 40s or 50s and still bounded in doing the same activity that is not helping you to grow. I think the bottom line of keeping our life busy is about satisfying our days with activities that make you happy and will help you to better yourself. Attend workshops and online courses that will elevate your career. Join and volunteer to serve communities. Engage yourself in some sporting activities or exciting hobbies. Look for a club or organization that you are truly interested in. I joined Toastmasters Club in 2014 and my life tremendously changed. My public speaking skill is honed, my leadership skill developed and my service to the community flourished. Most importantly, never ever take for granted your family, spiritual, social and personal relationships. Be busy but make sure that you always give time to the relationships that truly matters to you. Be busy in a substantial way.

Be yourself. Laugh out loud if you like, cry if you must. Sing and dance! There is nothing greater in life than to wake up each day knowing that you are loved and accepted the way you truly are. Expect that not all people will like you but staying true to yourself will help you weed out those who are not willing to compliment your eccentricities and some tantrums. Be nice to them anyway but do not bother pleasing them just for them to like you. Being true to yourself can be equated to freedom. You now have the full control to make a decision on how you want to navigate your own life. Saying “NO” will be more of establishing what your limitations are and what morals and values you can accept and compromise within your parameters. Trust me, once you learn the art of saying NO, you will increase the Power within you. In addition to that, you will be respected more and the right people will always love to be around you. A great American motivational speaker named Les Brown said, “The opinion of others does not have to become your reality.” Learn to discover the inner you. So live your life the way you wanted it to be, free your mind from worries, always be kind and true to yourself.

Lastly, be Patient. This is one of the hardest and trickiest parts of being single and most human beings are failing on this aspect, becoming Patient. In this world where everything is instant and controlled by social media and humongous development in technologies, we are forgetting that true love is not an automatic button like how Tinder, KIK, FB messenger, and Whatsapp could immediately send instant messages to us. It is not a quick 30 seconds of 3D printing. True love takes a lot of patience where you and your partner would be willing to stay committed regardless of whatever circumstances will come your way. It is about you being able to stay happy as a sole individual yet supportive to each other in the moments of self-discovery. Finding true love may take time, but surely it is worth it.

I strongly believe that being single for time being has a definite purpose in our life. Whatever the reason will be, have the courage to accept it. I will end this up by sharing a verse from the scripture, “Because you know that the testing of FAITH develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.”- James 1:3-4

Never lose hope! Stay happy and enjoy the journey of being single. Believe that you deserve the best and the best for you is yet to come.