Happy ever after can it be a reality

"Happy ever after can be a reality?"

Ace
Introduction
Happy ever after, can it be a reality? The statistics say it’s unlikely. In Australia, 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce. In the United States, researchers estimate that 40%–50% of all first marriages and 60% of second marriages, will end in divorce. Doherty (2006) describes modern marriage as “a counter-cultural act in a throwaway society” Of those that stay in relationships 50 % feel unfulfilled, this is particularly true for women . The pessimism that pervades relationships is well summed up in the song “I know him so well, from the musical Chess
“Nothing it so good it lasts eternally,
Perfect situations must go wrong”.
Followed up by the realisation;
“No one in your life is with you constantly
No one is completely on your side”,
How did this sorry state of affairs come about and how can the pitfalls of modern relationships be avoided? Basically the answer is a redefinition of the Golden rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” Always put yourself in the place of your partner-praising strengths, understanding faults and fears, speaking honestly and openly and rejoicing that you have found each other, warts and all. In a practical sense this can be achieved by;
• Values – couples should broadly share common values of honesty and trust and commitment and throw in some common spiritual values. If they are not on the same page of core values it won’t work. Coming from the same culture helps as well.
• Communication- small issues need to be raised before they become large, never feel afraid to be honest about yourself, your circumstances and your partner. This doesn’t mean bluntness or rudeness, just an honest expression of how you feel. Once this once this becomes the norm it is no longer a big deal- it just happens. Your partner becomes your mentor, your confessor and your friend. Learn to laugh with each other at your own absurdities, delusions of grandeur and pomposity (but not at each other).
• Excitement- don’t settle for an easy or staid life – find the things that excite you and your partner, both individually and jointly and do them. Interact with diverse groups of friends and not just the ones that share your opinions and don’t become isolated. Cultivate younger friends , we have a tendency to grow old around other people of the same age,” Go to different places, do different things
• Respect- the opinions of your partner, while not necessarily agreeing with their views, Never ridicule their ideas, Remind yourself that your relationship is much, much bigger than any one minor incident.
• Autonomy and individuality- Remember you are partners not carbon copies of each other- you will differ on many things- respect those differences and be yourself. This will not be hard, you are together because you want to be – the differences won’t be great- have both joint and separate friends (men and women) send time away and together, without feeling guilty. Remember you will be attracted to other people, who will appear funnier, sexier, better dancers (almost certainly) than your partner. There will be sexual temptation (infidelity) but more likely emotional temptation (affairs). These are the easiest to fall into. And at most times, you may not even realize it. You will feel really comfortable with a co-worker at your workplace, perhaps of the opposite sex? You will feel like this person really understands you and gives you the perfect advice for all your doubts? Often you feel really happy and refreshed every time you have a long conversation with this friend of the opposite sex? - Talk about these things (attractions to others) - don’t hide them, your partner is probably feeling the same things. Take time for yourself to do what you love, what makes you happy and gives you energy — being successful as a couple will only work if each of you is strong and fulfilled as an individual.
• Avoid jealousy- this is the most corrosive force on a relationship- you cannot be all things to your partner- there will be times when your partner would rather be with someone else than you. In later life, we all have history, ex-lovers affairs etc.- rejoice that your partner has trusted you enough to discuss their most personal memories. Jealousy comes from insecurity and lack of trust. If you find your partner attractive, others will as well, it what makes her/him interesting
• Don’t hold grudges- this is one of the spiritual aspects that are very important, as far as possible be at peace with every-one. This sounds like a utopian dream but it is possible and is very liberating
• Sex and intimacy affection breeds more affection. Touch each other, kiss each other good morning, and have plenty of sex. It's too easy to get out of the habit, which makes you feel distant. Intimacy and physical affection really help keep you connected. Never give up on trying new things and never rule out new experiences
• Support No one is completely on your side, but try to be- let your partner now that you support them- not blindly but unconditionally, and not judgementally- show support with actions not just words – never ridicule your partner in company. There is no better feeling than knowing someone loves you for all your faults and will stand by you when it matters.
Conclusion
In the end these wise words, even if observed, may not work. You may break up but you will break up friends for life, knowing that you have done your best and been on a wonderful journey.