Duality

I stood there looking intently into the mirror, sweating, heart racing, attempting to keep my composure as my hands shook with the intense rage flowing through my veins. Trying so hard to ignore the voices, dark and alluring.

“It's okay honey, you do what you need to do.” my wife said encouragingly.

“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL STANDING HERE, BREATHING!” “Why do you keep yourself alive? For them?” my head roaring with noise as I slam my hands against the sink and punch the wall, leaving a distorted round hole. Blood seeped from my knuckles as a pain crept it's way into my hand, moving up into my arm.

I yell, “Leave me alone damn it! Just leave me the fuck alone!”

“Baby, please just stop, come out here and calm down.” my wife called to me, fear and despair heavy in her voice. I felt a rage growing inside me, an uncontrollable, wild, feral rage that changed me into something I didn't recognize. I was turned into someone else, someone dangerous.

“Baby, please, please, baby just come out and talk to me.” my wife pleaded again.

“FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK TO ME WHORE! FUCK OFF, GO EAT A FUCKING BULLET, THATS ALL YOU DESERVE WHORE!” I screamed in a dark guttural voice no one could recognize, this new entity had completely taken over.

“I don't know who you are, please let my husband go, LEAVE him alone please!” my wife begged through her tears.

“YOU WANT ME GONE WHORE! REALLY YOU WANT ME FUCKING GONE!? SURE BUT IF I GO, I'M SURE AS FUCK TAKING HIM WITH ME, HE DOESN'T DESERVE A CUNT LIKE YOU FOR A WIFE. YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING RESPECT HIM!” The entity inside me screamed, as I was forced to slam my hands into the mirror, shattering it. “ARE FUCKING SURE YOU WANT ME GONE WHORE!”

My wife replied gently and through tears, “Yes, please just leave.” I was forced to pick up a shard of glass, ran it across my throat then both my wrists as I was allowed to return to myself as I silently begged for help. I was pleading with any higher power to save me, help me to survive. I began to feel weaker as my blood pooled around me. Life quickly retreating from my body as tears flowed down my face. A sudden reality set in, I was alone, the voices had left abruptly in a cackling rush. I had forced everyone to abandon me, even my wife, though she still loved me, she could not live with the demons inside me.

Now my torment comes to an end, as if the final credits of a movie rolled, my sight fades to black. No way to start over, it's sad that my demonically driven reality has come down to only a few breathes left. I hope against all hope that my wife remembers who I was before the conflict inside took me away, held me hostage and destroyed everything I held dear. I pray that I do not haunt her dreams, praying that I quickly become a forgotten memory.

As the darkness is closing in my daughter finds her way into my dying mind, so sweet and loving, she never did anything to deserve the things I done. Innocence destroyed by the demon she called Dad. I would never have allowed her to be treated the way she was, but damn it I was forced to watch as demons used my body to beat her, scream at her. I done nothing but loved her, something that seemed to strengthen the demons inside.

Now my final breathes usher me into hell where the memories and lost moments I yearned for was lost at the hands of demons that only I knew was real.