Two Nickels

I received another letter from some law firm I’ve never heard of, Smith and Benson. So if I send them a check for five hundred dollars they will release, to me, my inheritance from a long lost unknown relative. They are unable to release any further details until they receive my check. Sounds like another scam to me. Oh, no wait, the letter states that this is not a scam. We all know that lawyers never cheat or lie. To Shakespeare’s famous line “let’s kill all the lawyers” I’d like to add “for they will all surely burn in hell.” If the people at the law firm had done a little more research they would have found that no-one living or dead in my family had more than two nickels to rub together.

         I’ve been receiving junk like this since I hit the lottery for $15,000. The whole thing was a joke. Every scam artist in the tristate area was trying to get a piece of my winnings. I can’t believe the paper printed my name, address, and the amount I won. After taxes, back rent, and paying off my loan shark I have enough money left over for a nice meal at McDonalds.

         To top it off some junkie decided he wasn’t going to run a scam on me, instead he was going to break into my apartment, put a knife to my throat, and take my money. I was able to get the knife and toss him out of my fourth floor window. Don’t worry the sidewalk broke his fall. Now the cops are making noise about arresting me. Maybe I need to call Smith and Benson, I do love lawyers.