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Always been a people pleaser, sometimes forgetting to like who I really am. |
I feel like my writing is full of void. Spots in between the lack of character and over done emotion. Every time I write, I feel I'm up against a wall. A wall of insecurities and fear. Not knowing when you'll read it, if you'll like it, or if you'll hate it. For years I wondered what you thought of me. And always wanted you to approve of me. For days and days I coloured inside the lines, I stayed inside the boat, I remained a fly on the wall. Every minute was filled with trying to please you. Like a lost sheep, I wondered, following anyone, and anything, just trying to fit in. Even now, I sit here in a war. My mind says stays quiet, my heart says yell it from the rooftop! I am fighting here, to find me. I want to make my mark in this world, Make each moment count, Rely on my friends, even the ones you hate. I want to experience the world - Throw tomatoes in Spain, Camp along the ocean, and listen to the waves roar all night, Smoke Marijuana in a coffee shop in Amsterdam, Walk down the streets of Beijing and count all the bicycles. I want to be able to call you, and tell you about my travels. I want to drive to your house just because I miss you. Most of all, I want you to see me. Not someone who you want me to be. Because I'm not staying in the boat any longer, and my creativity is seeping past the lines. I will love you all the same, But I will no longer hold me back. |