Professor Genius

Professor Genius by Rory Smith
Chapter One - The Rose

I came to see the rose.
It had such beauty.
They told me to see.
I came to see the rose.
In deep certainty.
With such vibrancy.
I came to see the rose.
It stole my heart.
In deep certainty.
I wish I‘d known all this before.
You love.
You love, to see the rose.
Noting that, nothing ever happens.
Nothing ever happens.
Until you see the rose, oh the rose, oh the rose.
I came to see the rose.
Until you see the rose.
Your eyes have not lived.
And unless you are blind.
Your heart has not lived.
I came to see the rose.
Oh how I love thy rose.
A rose can be of many colours.
And the thorns may prick your skin.
Like love can tear your heart.
But once the rose can die.
But love can live until you die and beyond.
I came to see the rose.
As everyone knows.

Professor Genius was on the good ship Lady Coedouglas from the mainland of Scotland to the remote rocky island of Dolrooster. He had come to see the rare red and blue rose of Islaylarhum, which grew in the tough barren conditions. Bees loved to drink it’s nectar, and to gardeners it was the peak of all roses. But it’s thorns were poison darts to the skin and could kill an elephant if touched.

Professor Genius was a professor at the University of Newtry, Scotland, in the study of history.
He had solved numerous mysteries such as the identification of Jack the Ripper, the mystery of the Mary Celeste, the mysteries of the Loch Ness Monster, the Yeti, Big Foot, who assassinated Prime Minister Nalex Cod of Scotland during World War Three, and who assassinated Prime Minister Ronald Portillo of England in the 1970’s. But his true passion was to collect rose petals from gardens and to put them in a box.
He was a 42 year old genius professor. He was impossible to forget. He had red, red hair, joke red glasses, with spiralling lens that could come out on command, topped by frilly spiralling widgets. He had a red beard, a red moustache, and was fat. But to ensure he fitted in anywhere in Scotland he decided to support every single Scottish football club. He had every Scottish professional team top in his wardrobe.
The genius was wearing a Glasgow Celtic baseball cap, and Glasgow Rangers t-shirt. Plus blue and green trousers. Also he wore a Aberdeen FC tie, Dundee United socks, and Hibernian FC gloves. His peculiar habits included that he liked to eat grass, and listen to classical music.
Accompanying him was his trusty sidekick 27 year old Kirsty Peacek, a blonde haired, follower of international socialism, peace and love. She practised tai chi, and ran for the athletics team of her university. She was also the manager of the University of Newtry Football Team. And picked herself as lead midfielder, not out of arrogance, but of sincerity.
The two were visiting the island, that they thought was deserted of tourists, but as the two reached the top of the Hugh Mountain, they suddenly noticed a large mansion on the moors that had smoke coming from the chimney, and a large mini-bus on the drive way.
Professor Genius was the most sociable man in history and demanded that he and Kirsty visit this mansion, joking, ‘You may find a holiday romance, for your lonely days.’
Kirsty scowled at her patronising mentor.

Chapter Two - The Wave of Emirc
The mansion was named the Golden Eagle, and was run by the island’s resident boat captain Joe Brown, and Sue McBarn the housekeeper.
Joe Brown was a farmer, sailor and house repairer. Aged 56 years old he had a gruff manner, and had met many of the famous celebrities who had visited the mansion such as Queen Catherine during World War Four.
Sara McBarn was 55 years old, grey haired, short plump and a former police officer. She was also a veteran of the London nuclear bomb attacks of the fifties where she had lost a little finger on her left hand. But she was brave and domineering.
But today the two faced a trial that they had not met outside of the British mainland.
A body lay dead in the living room, that of one of the numerous guests who were here for a high school reunion.
The body was that of Stephanie Farrar a 38 years old
blonde haired middle class lady.
She had had her head smashed in with violent force and her face was barely recognisable.
The other occupants of the house in human terms were all living, and Brown had gathered them all together in the large banquet sized dining room.
Brown spoke, ’I will not be letting any of you people leave. We must find out who did the murder.’

Just then the door opened and in walked the maid
Apple Wood a 22 year old blonde haired shy girl who would not say boo to a goose, even if it could not understand her. She was from Glasgow.
She introduced two more guests, ‘Excuse me Sir. We have two new visitors a Professor Genius, and his companion.’
Professor Genius walked in, ‘Allow me to introduce myself and my lady friend. My name is Professor Genius, and this is my dear friend Kirsty Peacek. We saw your cars and thought we would introduce ourselves to you.’
Just then the Professor stopped as he was about to shake hands with Brown.
Professor Genius exclaimed, ‘My word who is that? Is she dead?’
Kirsty quickly ran over and checked the dead lady’s pulse.
Kirsty said calmly, ’She is dead Professor Genius.’


Paul George, a dark haired working class North Walian man snarkily spoke, ’No shit Sherlock. What do you think we were brought here for, a game of charades?’
Paul and some of the other men laughed.
Professor Genius boasted, ‘I am the most successful investigator this country has produced. I will use my, and my trusty sidekicks Kirsty’s skills to solve this case.’
Joe Brown suggested, ‘I would like to ask you to take over as the head investigator of this trial. We have all the suspects here. Allow me to introduce you to them. They are here for a high school reunion ,from a North Wales school and one of their party has been killed. I will introduce you to each of the suspects one at a time. All the suspects are from the town of Rwslalnt y Coed’, and former pupils of Ysgol Cadarn Glas.
Brown continued, ‘Our first suspect is Aled Rosslyn.’
Aled was tall built like a mountain and was blonde haired. He had a blood soaked t-shirt on.
Aled Rosslyn quickly commented, ‘I didn’t do it. It was some poof who did it. Some gaytard mong. It always is.’

Brown then turned, ’This is Paul George.’
Paul George was a dumb average height dark haired 33 year old sexually expletive guy. who would obsessively make sexual related comments at every instance.
Paul then responded to the Professor, ‘Right ginger bollocks. Round up the first immigrant you can. You’ll always find when there is crime it is some.’
He then used several unspeakable racist terms to describe ethnic minority groups he believed would have done the crime.

Brown proceeded to introduce the other guests who spoke in so many ways.
There was Tom Ivor Bailey a 37 year old, dumb weight lifter, He was dark haired, and called people weirdo. While having an interest in animal pornography, and a wife with a very muscular body.
There was Alwen Parkes a 26 years old blonde haired promiscuous lady, who stated, ‘The murderer must be a weirdo. This crime was not done by a normal bloke who likes a fight, and beats his wife.’

Another suspect in the room was ’Fat’ Carl Mercer Bailey a 30 year old dark haired average height bloke who loved dinner,

Then followed Robert Jones a 36 years old tall, university graduate who studied physics and liked to show off his intelligence.

Next up was Craig Riley a 35 year old, blonde haired, former builder whose father was a builder. He had the personality of a wet paper bag, easily led, but very vindictive. He had beaten up a man for looking at his wife.

The final suspect was that of Gavin Fire a 37 year old bar man who sold drink in the pub in the town of their home.

Then in walked a small Finnish girl by the name of Roxette Garden, a 22 year old good girl, dark haired, but very talkative.

Professor Genius quickly scoured the room and spoke, ‘I will use my great detective skills to analyse who did the murder. Now judging from the blood stains on the carpet, the murderer could be someone with blood stains on their shirt. All I need now is a motive. In the journal of the Daily Tiger, I remember reading a story that will have a bearing on this case. I put it to you Aled Rosslyn that you are the murderer, that you killed Stephanie Farrar, or should I say Harry Williams. The man was your closest friend at school who had a sex change operation 3 years ago. And this so shocked you that you decided to take his life.’
The other suspects laughed their heads off at this comment.

Paul spoke, ‘What a gaytard you are Professor. Everyone knows this will have been done by a black man. Listen a lesson in my life is that black men and gypsies do all crimes. All other crime is trivial and a fuss about nothing. But if a black man does it matters. Black man did it.’

Paul continued his rant, ‘I think school bullying is trivial. Beating someone up, slandering people or raping someone is trivial, if it is bullying, and does not matter if it is done by a white man. But if it done by a black man or mong it is wrong. Those are lessons I’ve learnt from the university of life. Mark my words. Look for the nearest black man or gypsy, and you will find the murderer. Even if he didn’t do this murder you can be sure he is a wrong un, like all black men are.’

Alwen spoke, ‘Or a mong. You might find it was done by a mong. A gay mong weirdo. Not a normal bloke like us guys.’

Tom then spoke, ‘It will be some weirdo. You know like the sort I used to bully at school. Find a weirdo. They will have done the crime.’

Robert Jones then exclaimed, ‘Now, now I think we need to listen to the investigator here.’

Just then the lights went out for 12 seconds.
There was screaming and shouting.


When the lights came on Robert Jones was dead lying battered on the floor.
All the others were standing where they had before.
Now Aled was covered in more blood on his shirt. He held a statue that was dripping with fresh blood, and was panting passionately in a blood lust.

Paul shouted, ‘How did a black man get in here kill Robert and then disappear? How is that possible?’

Professor Genius spoke, ’What are you talking about? It is obvious it was Aled Rosslyn. He has the weapon, he has more blood on him, and he killed the man because he was about to tell me I was right.’

Aled then talked out a poem, ‘I lick to pick my nose.
As everybody knows.
I like to look at the sea.
So I can see.
I am not a witch.
But can you tell which?
I was stung by a bee.
Whether it is nobler to be.
I’d like to learn to sow.
That is just for show.
I have known to fly.
Like the insect fly.’

The other original suspects all laughed.

Alwen crowed, ‘Look. Aled is a mate, and mates do not do things like that. And we always stand by our mates.’

Kirsty stated, ’But surely you can see he is a murderer and must be punished?’

Tom then replied, ’This reminds me of the time us guys Aled, Gavin, and Carl went to that parents café of some creep we were bullying at school and started talking about him calling him a gay, creepy, weird faggot in front of his dad. That was hilarious. No one beats us for devious ways of bullying people. I hear he killed himself a few years ago. Yes, that makes me feel smug.’

Carl laughed.

Aled screamed, ‘Yes that was the greatest day of my life. Like the time I told you about Carl. Remember’

Carl replied, ‘What about the time you said you wanted to kill one of your victims of bullying?’

The room went silent for 2 seconds. Just then Aled walked over to the light switch and turned off the lights.

Screaming from Carl could be heard.

The lights came on as Kirsty had switched the light switch, back on

Over the body of Carl stood Aled Rosslyn

Kirsty screamed and ran over to Carl, she shouted, ‘He’s had his neck broken. That’s another murder by you Aled.’

Aled shouted back, ‘I didn’t kill him. It was some mong who did it. I saw him run out of the door. That mong did it again. What’s he up to this time. I knew he was a weirdo. Someone should have killed him years ago.’

Paul shouted, ‘Why aren’t you out looking for real criminals like black men, or Asians.? Real criminals taking our jobs and our land.’

Professor Genius incredulously cried, ‘This is an open and shut case. It is obvious Aled did it. What more evidence do we need? He literally has been caught red handed.’

Alwen hysterically ranted, ‘Always the same the police get involved in things, that are none of their business. We’re just hustling to make a living if someone gets killed that is just what happens the police are bullies, infact they got bullied at school, sort of guys we bullied at school.’

Aled replied, ‘Yeah!’

Alwen said, ‘Friends stand up for friends, even when they kill. I know you did the murder, but I will back you Aled.’

Aled looked furious then walked over to the light switch.

Kirsty shouted, ‘Don’t turn that light switch off.’

The next that could be heard was the sound of Alwen screaming,

Once again Kirsty ran over to the light switch and once again Aled stood over a limp body, this time of Alwen.

Professor Genius cried, ‘This is it, we have to detain Aled Rosslyn. Right, Kirsty, and Joe, us three have to pin him to the ground and tie him up before he kills more people.’

Aled then pulled out a knife, ‘I didn’t to these murders. It is a frame up by Muslims, Jews, blacks, poofs, weirdoes, gaytards, spastics, freaks, gypsies, creeps, and poof nobheads.

Tom Ivor Bailey then explained, ‘Professor you need to understand there is a conspiracy of poofs and weirdoes running society who are framing Aled for these murders, trust me, look for the nearest creepy poof weirdo and you will find your man.’

Tom walked up behind Aled and tapped him on his shoulder.

In nervous reaction Aled turned round and stabbed his knife into Tom’s heart.

Tom fell to his death in an instant.

Aled shrieked, ‘It was self defence. He was going to take the knife off. The poof was going to stab me up my arse.’

The room was shocked at this sight.

Aled ran for it, but Paul tripped him up.

Paul jamp onto Aled, but Aled still had knife in his hand and ripped through the chest of Paul. Paul clutched at his chest as the blood poured out. Then Aled in a terrifying act of a serial killer stabbed repeatedly into Paul, who lay back in terror.

Aled Rosslyn was the creep of the century now.

Paul lay on the floor, ‘I just feel cold now.’ Then he drifted off to death.

Chris and Gavin then quickly ran toward Aled and started hitting him round the head with wooden poles, but they were of feeble material and snapped off in their hands as they tried to knock out Aled.

Aled then grabbed hold of Chris’s hand and twisted it round breaking it in two. Then he stood up grabbed hold of Chris with his mammoth strength and flung him against Gavin. The two fell over.

Aled picked up the broken poles and thrust both at the same time into the separate heads of Gavin and Chris killing them in an instant.


Aled looked on, at the others in the room, ‘You know I’m innocent. It was self defence.’

The others looked on fearing for their lives. Professor Genius, Kirsty Peacek, Roxette Garden, Apple Wood, Joe Brown, and Sara McBarn, took a step back from Aled Rosslyn the ruthless brutal killer. Even Professor Genius and Kirsty had not met someone as terrifying as this.

Aled though ran for it. He smashed through the glass window of the dining room into the warm darkness.

He was never seen again. Some say he went to Australia to live as a serial killer in the outback. Some say he went to Antarctica with his survival skills living off penguins. Even Professor Genius would never be able to work out where he went. He was a brutal killer of men and women.


I’m sorry if you were my friend.
I’m sorry it had to end.
I’m sorry about the way it went.
With all your love for me spent.
But now you look at me.
In stubborn ruthless certainty.

The End