She believed... Again!

There she was before take off, looking out of her window and observing all the other parked aircrafts around. She felt so small, so tiny, like she didn't matter, like she was nothing in this big giant world. Sounds a bit much, but I guess after ending a long term relationship all have different ways of dealing with their emotions. Some wander, some self blame, some doubt everything and some tend to link everything around them to their current emotional state. Post break up there are always a few common thoughts that run into everyone's mind. Was breaking up the right decision? Was it a big enough reason to end things? Will I ever find anyone else? Can I share the same level of comfort with someone else?
Sometimes we tend to go in flash back and think, rethink all the good times just to forget the pain inside. And Sometimes we think of all the tough and testing times to justify that the decision to end was the only option left.These testing times are then used to explain to others why things didn't work out and what drove you to finally take the plunge. But deep down inside we still wait for them to reassure us that the decision was indeed correct.
After having dealt and survived this phase which seemed so difficult, Kanika decided to take a mini vacation to Dubai to meet her childhood friend. Post her decision to end things, this was the first decision that she was proud of.
While returning back to Mumbai, she was sitting by the window and wandering. Kanika Mehra was a 27 year old beautiful girl and she knew how to carry herself. She was very good with controlling her emotions and if anything bothered her, she knew very well how to not make it evident. However with the current hardships with her personal relationship, her confidence was shaken and she was doubting herself on the slightest of things.
Sitting by the window and busy in her thoughts,her attention was drawn to a tall, handsome, well suited young man in his late 20's, who came and sat to the aisle seat next to her. He smelled good and was wearing a big branded watch. She tried to observe him without him knowing, but it was impossible so she stopped trying. By the way he was dressed it was obvious that this was his business travel.
During the flight she chose to be awfully quiet as was afraid of looking foolish in front of a person she felt was too good for his age. She kept thinking, 'How old is this guy? Looks fairly young! By the way he is dressed it seems he is a big shot. Suited-booted,travelling for business to Dubai. He has his life sorted out at this age and here I am on the other hand, travelling to visit a friend just because I felt too depressed to be by myself after a break up.'
Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted and she heard screams from behind. At first it wasn't clear what was wrong but could hear an elderly man creating a ruckus. And then all heard the man yell, "How can you expect an elderly man to sit in the middle seats. We should be given aisle seats as we are old and need to stretch."The stewardess politely explained how the flight was full and there was no way they could provide him the seat he was requesting for. The aircraft configuration was 2-4-2 and the flight was indeed full. The old man was giving the stewardess a hard time and continued to argue and grumble. When the stewardess was passing by Kanika's seat the man next to her stopped and volunteered to give his seat to the old man. For a tall man that he was, it was unexpected from him.The stewardess smiled and explained that he was not alone. He was travelling with his wife who was sitting right next to him in the middle seat. Just after having said those words, both she and the tall man looked at Kanika. It was a look of asking a question without really asking it. She looked at the man and it was the first time she saw his full face and noticed his features. He was handsome indeed with sharp features and it went well with his clean shaven face.
Snapping out of his looks, Kanika immediately showed her support and agreed to move too.The stewardess was extremely pleased and thanked them both before heading to the old couple to give them the good news. Without any hesitation they were up and ready to switch places. Both husband and wife were short and in their early 60's and on the other hand these two were tall and fairly young. The old couple stood before them and as they collected their items to make their way to their new seats the old lady smiled and said, 'Thank you kids, God bless you both and keep you'll happy together forever!' Both instantly looked at each other and exchanged an awkward smile. Both were too shy to explain that they were indeed not a couple. The same thought ran into both their heads, 'Forget being a couple, we don't even know each other's name!'
Both headed to their new seats and noticed everyone around looking at them with great fondness for doing such a selfless deed. Making their way to the row, they noticed one aisle seat was occupied by an old man and the other by a young sophisticated women. Continuing his strike of being a thorough gentleman the tall handsome man sat next to the old man and Kanika made her way in between him and the young women.
While flying, Kanika preferred to look outside the window and keep herself occupied. With the window seat gone she decided to close her eyes, pull her seat back and take a rest. However this seemed a little difficult to execute as the man next to her was constantly trying to figure out how a tall man with long legs like himself, was to fit and find a comfortable posture to sit in. He was crapped and his slightest movement would inevitably cause him to touch either of the two passengers sitting besides him. After his 3 to 4 failed attempts to be comfortable, Kanika noticed his struggle and couldn't help but smile at his state. She closed her eyes, nodded her head side to side, folded her hands and smilingly rested her head back. She knew the man had seen her reaction and she coolly continued to rest like nothing happened. Suddenly she felt the seat next to her shaking and when she opened her eyes she saw the prettiest sight. The tall handsome man was giving a helpless laugh and his face was red which he tried to hide by placing his fingers on his forehead. Both of them broke into a laughing fit and to see him smile so helplessly made her heart melt a little.Kanika was not the kind to easily express her emotions so soon she gathered herself, smiled and went back to resting. Soon enough the young lady next to Kanika reaches out to him and in a flirting manner said, "Hey, that's a really sweet and cool thing you did out there. Very kind of you."Kanika opened one of her eyes to take a glance at her. She knew she was being foolish but she was Jealous and she could do nothing about it. In her head she was replying to the young lady's compliment, 'On really, so you find this sweet and cool. Well then why didn't you be sweet enough when you had the chance too. After all that old man was just sitting next to you, so you could have just offered your seat. Or dammit, even better, why don't you now offer your seat to this tall gentleman. Clearly he has been struggling with this seat.' Before her thoughts went any further,it was interrupted by the man's reply, "Oh please, it's nothing. I would do this for my parents,so why not for someone else's. It's no big deal. I'm happy to help." Hearing those words Kanika's heart skipped a beat and she realised that she was crushing on this guy. Her first ever crush after the breakup!!
The conversations between the two continued and Kanika who was stationed at her seat, gradually began to sulk. One thing led to another and names were exchanged. Without being a part of the conversation Kanika was still subconsciously a part of it. She was glad to know their names- Sneha Ulas and Ronak Sharma. Hearing the man's name she felt, what an unusual and interesting name. During the conversation Sneha found out that Kanika and Ronak were not a couple after all and that was a good enough information for her to continue to openly flirt with him.Ronak continued to fidget around but whatever he tried was in vein.
Suddenly the head stewardess came to their seats and had all praises for the two.She enquired about their names and individually thanked them for helping out when the old couple was giving them a hard time. By now both Kanika and Ronak knew each other's name without officially introducing themselves. Before leaving,the head stewardess even pointed out that Ronak himself was a tall man and still he selflessly gave away his seat which was commendable. They both politely just smiled and were humble about the whole thing. Once the stewardess left, Sneha agreed with the stewardess and said, "It's true, that was really selfless of you to put their comfort before yours. Very nice of you to do that." He just smiled and went back on his seat and decided to rest a little. By now all were resting but Ronak still kept struggling to find a comfortable position to sit. Kanika could not control herself and finally leaned towards him and said something that she immediately regretted. She started of as, "Hey, I know it's great and stuff that you volunteered to give your seat but the fact remains that you needed the aisle seat more than that old man. It was a nice gesture to give up your seat and now many people are praising US, I mean You-hint hint" and she proceeded to point at Sneha and continued,"but still these people wouldn't give you their seat even after seeing you struggle. So in short I'm saying yes it's sweet and all the praises are well deserved but not at this cost. You are clearly not at ease and there is nothing anyone is going to do about it. You see, its not always true that, You get what you give!" Having said so much she felt it was not her place to tell him anything about the decision he made. After all she knew she too was not perfect with her decision making skills and her current situation was a living proof of it. She closed her eyes and tried hard to rest but was too embarrassed to do so.
Ronak was in shock but said nothing in return and Kanika on the other hand was angry at herself. Till now, for 27 years she had mastered the art of controlling her emotions and she was proud of it. But dealing with a recent break up and with jealously creeping in she lashed out.
She couldn't help but feel ashamed for talking the way she did. She buried herself in her seat and wanted to reached Mumbai as soon as possible so that she didn't have to deal with what she was feeling. Her words kept running in her mind. In her head she was justifying what she said and why she said it. 'After all I was just looking out for him. He is clearly struggling with his seat and was not comfortable so I am sure he will see my concern for him.'
The remaining journey was a bit awkward. Even when it was time for meal, there was complete silence. Kanika ate her meal quietly and Ronak on the other hand seemed to be perfectly fine. He in fact even helped the stewardess pass Kanika's meal to her. Kanika without looking at him whispered a 'thank you' and he smilingly replied with a 'Welcome'. She realised that maybe she was overthinking everything and that Ronak did actually understand that it was out of concern that she had spoken. But still she chose to be to herself and not interact.
Finally the nightmare was over. They arrived at the Mumbai airport and on their way out halted at their original place to remove their hand luggage from the overhead compartment. The gentlemen that he was, Ronak assisted Kanika to remove her bag and they both headed to the exit. Soon enough they cleared their immigration and customs and gathered at the baggage claim area round about the same time. Both knew each other's existence but didn't act on it.
Kanika found her luggage and was ready to make her way out. However she felt like she was leaving something behind. After all she did have Ronak for her entire journey from take off to seat swap, from eating her meal to removing her luggage from the overhead compartment, from customs to baggage claim. She had never felt that way before for anything or anyone. In such a short time she felt that something belonged to her and she wasn't ready to let it go. However she gave herself a reality check and made herself realise that the recent events in her life were playing mind games with her.
Still she couldn't help but wish to look at him one last time. She didn't want to make it obvious and so while heading out of the baggage claim area she looked down behind to adjust her suitcase stroller and without looking up she adjusted her eyes and stole a glimpse of him. She immediately noticed instead of focusing at the conveyer belt, he too was looking at her. By now she knew that it wasn't just her crushing on him but it was mutual. Their eyes met, they exchanged a smile and then she flicked her hair back, turned around and had the biggest smile on her face.
All her doubts and insecurities about herself and about her life had just vanished. She began to believe that she was good enough and it was indeed possible for her to move on. That feeling of self assurance was something she needed in a long time. During her way back home she couldn't help but smile and rethink at how this entire episode turned out. It had a positive impact on her and she now knew that she could have anyone she wanted... But the choice remained with her whether she actually really wanted someone at the time.
Next day morning she woke up to a pleasant surprise and found a notification on Facebook which read 'Ronak Sharma has sent you a friend request.' She believed this could be a beginning of something beautiful.

PS: Of course she accepted the friend request and She believed...Again!

By JuHi KhEr