Mystique Mindset - 1

IT is nothing like I’ve ever seen. I can never experience something like this though. The place I am in is a complete oblivion. There was nothing else in that place except me and that beautiful thing. That thing was smudged beautifully and was far away from me. I tried to go further towards it. But no matter how hard I tried, it was always out of my reach. Again I tried but failed. I felt frustrated, I shouted, shouted loudly until my voice cracked. And again I ran towards it. But I felt like I’ve not even moved a step forward. I wanted to feel that beautiful thing. I felt agitated and sad. I began to shout again, Again and again. I fell down with tears trickling down my check and went through the neck and wet the ground. When I looked at it closely, I saw someone standing before me and that beautiful thing. I was sure that it was someone I knew. “WHO ARE YOU?” I yelled as loud as I could. But there was no reply. “WHO ARE YOU? ANSWER ME” I asked again loudly. But there was no answer this time either. I stood up and ran towards it. This time I could feel that person nearer and nearer. I ran, as fast I could. Ran until that person was near me. But the beautiful thing was still far away. That person stopped me when I tried to evade and go further “You can never reach it” said that person. It was a woman’s voice and a familiar one too. Her face was vaguely exposed. I couldn’t make out who it was though I was sure that she was familiar to me. “Who are you?” I asked again feeling rather exasperated. “You will never reach it as long as I live”. I clenched my fist hardly till there was no blood left in my palm. “You will not reach that beautiful thing”. It was getting too late. I should avoid her and run towards that thing. But I can’t. That beautiful smudge began to fade. No no please don’t go away. Take me with you. I don’t have anywhere else to go. Please. Her face began to be more visible now. And when I realized who she is I felt my heart beat faster. No it isn’t you, you can’t be here. I felt a strong bolt of shock through my spine. And she talked again, “You will not reach it as long as I, your mother live”. “NOOOO. GO AWAY. GO AWAY FROM ME”.

The morning sun shone brightly above the trees. I skipped the school again. It’s the fourth day now. I hope no one has found me here while I dozed off. This place has been my safe haven for since the first day of the week. It is a place no one has bothered for the last couple of years. It is slightly away from the road which is on my way to school. Weeds were overgrown and the plants were left uncared for, so no one has taken the path here. So I always come here and sit here on this old wooden bench. This place is covered with a canopy of trees which gives a Tyndall effect which is really beautiful. It feels good to be alone here and forget about the unpleasant memories and experiences. No disturbance and the plants treat me like a guest. I wish I could live here forever rather than living in my home. I hate it there to live with my Mom. No, stepmom to be precise. She is a rude lady. She is an insane sadist. She beats me day and night and locks me up in the backyard shed. It is a small shed. One cannot even stand or sit there without bending their spine. I am only given two meals a day. And that too, ugly rotten. I have the scars all over my back, legs, hands and everywhere from her broomstick. I’ve been living like this in hell for a year and a half. And nightmares like this come frequently whenever I sleep. It’s horrible. I’ve lost myself from living like this. Sometimes I get the urge to end myself but then I think about my Mom who passed away from my life. I feel like running away from my home but my past had forbidden that. This is the reason why I skip my classes and come here most of the days.
Whenever I go and sit there thinking about nothing I could always see a butterfly flapping its wings and flying. It was really beautiful. It had an orange color with blue dots all over its body and black outline along the edge of its wings. Somehow I feel a sense of hope watching it. I do not know why. Whenever I look at it I get the feeling that it is calling me to play with it. Maybe it is the only creature in this world which cares about me. When I chase it, it goes and hides behind the bushes. When I go and sit back, it comes back and laughs at me. I wish I had the ability to talk and play with them. Maybe I will get rid of my loneliness once I share it with those beautiful creatures.

I do not have any recollection of my Father. I’ve seen my Grandfather once, but that too I recall very vaguely. Thinking about my Father brings back a memory which occurred during one of those childhood days. It was a summer of my sixth grade. Days were too hot and nights were too short. When my homeroom teacher announced about the Parent Teachers gathering I felt a bit drawn back. When teacher asked me about it, I said that I did not live with my father. I said this because all of my classmates where accompanied by both their parents. I felt sad about that. When my teacher heard the reply, she said to not worry about that and come with my mother. I agreed and sat there, still feeling sad. On the day of the meeting, I came along with my mother. But I saw many fathers and I felt really sad. My mother noticed this and asked me about it. I asked her “where is my father?” she felt surprised but I could sense the bit of discomfiture in her face. “He will come back soon dear”. Her voice cracked. “He...He went far away for us to live”. I did not reply, pretending that I didn’t hear her. “I will come back in a minute dear”. She went away somewhere. I couldn’t see where. I went over to the canteen area and stood there. I saw a father buying something for his son. I didn’t see what it was. I wanted to know what it was, so I walked towards them. They were a happy father and son and I could see his mother talking to another lady beside them. I walked towards them and I could see what it was, it was an ice cream. I never tasted an ice cream. My mom never bought anything for me from the shops. She would always say that it is not good for health. So I never asked her to buy anything for me. The shape of the ice cream was fascinating, I wanted to taste it but Mom was not near me. I did not know how close to them I was because of my newly aroused interest towards ice cream. Both the father and son looked at me. I could see that they were irritated. I was interrupting their happy moments. While I began to turn away from them, someone ran hurriedly past me and unintentionally pushed me. I fell down facing the ice cream and the next thing I knew, ice cream was all over my face. I sat there on the ground and licked the ice cream and it was really tasty. I licked my face again without noticing the happy family. When I looked at them, the kid was really angry and kicked me on my stomach yelling “you freak! That was my ice cream”. I spat saliva on the floor due to the force of the kick. It hurt real badly and I began to cry. No one paid attention. They were moving on with their chit chat with others. No one seemed to have heard me. The kid’s father bought another ice cream for his son and went away from me. They both looked pretty irritated, the kid looking angrily at me.
As I sat there sobbing, tears trickled down through my cheeks dropped to the floor. A person was coming with a smile on his face. I wasn’t pretty sure he was coming towards me. When he came nearer, I realized he was smiling at me. He had a bright smile. It was a smile that I never saw before. He came near me and held my hand and picked me up and said “It’s alright son, there are a lot of bad people in this world. But there are good people too. And you have to be one of them”. Something stabbed me in the heart right then. It was as though an iceberg went down my heart. Those words stopped my tears and I smiled at him. He wiped my tears and bought me an ice cream. I put my tongue on it once. He said “go on, you can eat it to your heart”. I licked it again and again. When I raised my head, he was gone. I looked all around me. I saw him walk past a few people and going away. I ran towards him. But he was gone. I looked at mother. Her eyes were twinkling and she had a towel in her hand. I knew she was crying. I hugged her and asked “Is my father also like him? “Oh dear! Maybe he is”. I wish he is also one of those good people. Those words soothed me the most.

School might have gotten over by this time. If I do not reach home in time, my so called mother will come and search for me. I do not want that to happen. In fact I do not want anyone else to find about this place. I didn’t want anyone to be here at all. I want this place all by myself. I could see that butterfly again flying around the trees and branches, calling me to play with it. I began to wonder where the butterfly came from. Did it have a home? Or was it also alone like me, wandering hither and thither to find someone who cares or to be lonely without anyone watching over it. But I knew that it was playing with me.
There was no path to get here other than the path through which I came here, or I couldn’t see one. I looked around, but it was densely covered with pine trees. I felt something flying over me, it was the butterfly. That felt ecstatic. I raised my hand clasped and opened the point finger towards it so that it could sit there. It landed on my finger. I moved the finger closer to my eyes to watch it closely. It was smiling, I could see its lips widen happily. It was really smiling at me. Then the next moment it flew away from my finger and began to fly towards the forest. It revolved around a place. I thought that it was showing me something. But I couldn’t make out what it was trying to show me. I went closer towards it. It continued its flight through the trees. That’s when I realized that there was a narrow path between two tall pine trees. The thought of going into the forest didn’t occur to me especially now that it was time to go home. But the butterfly was calling me. No, I couldn’t go in there, out of fear maybe. But then I thought of the things I would have to bear when I reach home. I stood at the beginning of the pathway for about ten minute thinking about whether to go in or not. I realized that I couldn’t care less about what happens when I reach home. I entered it.
It was pitch dark and fully covered with overgrown grass and ivies. Climbers were all over the trees and spread all over the path. I couldn’t see the butterfly anywhere due to the darkness. I walked for about ten minutes into the forest evading the grasses and branches and that’s when I realized that something was taking a big shape…

TO BE CONTINUED