Dark Cloud

Let me make it immediately clear that I am a cloud, more specifically, a dark cloud. It may put you at ease to know that I am a passing dark cloud, or it may not. I certainly don’t expect sympathy. I really don’t even expect anything more than simple curiosity for what a dark cloud might have to say. What could I say? Well, let me tell you I can say plenty. Furthermore, for everyone’s sake, let me at least make it perfectly clear: it is better that I am a passing dark cloud and not dark to stay.


I apologize if my attitude I express to you is offensive, but if you bear with me, I will explain that this is merely a time of my life that is passing. Let me tell you with certainty that this creature of rage, the thing that a dark cloud may be, is not at all who I am now- if it was, we wouldn’t be having this conversation on such a friendly note. When I get down to it, I suppose I am asking you to believe that I can change; I am not that monster anymore. There is a whisper in the wind telling me that if you forgive another you are in part forgiving yourself. I think it is her voice. Who else’s voice could it be?


It is not an excuse to say it is hard to remain calm when pushed and I was most certainly pushed, but then, I don’t need an excuse for my being, nor would I care for one. Phaw! Usually, I caress the sky and make cool shapes and such, but when the temperature shifts, I take on anger and the light just mists away. But here I am getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you my story before it is too late for me and it will be too late shortly, I am sad to say. Nature has a way of making calm winds disperse and my kind disappear, though not forever because young clouds are often born every day, or so I imagine. I don’t remember my forming, my inception into the sky, but it happened to me, I am proof! I exist! Here I am scatter-winded. Let me get back to my story.


She was in my sky within my sights and I moved closer to take a look. Finally, I had someone else to express my abject joy; yes, I was tired of playing with myself. My existence was strained between earth and heaven, touching neither, but there she was just waiting to be touched. Not a word did she say to me; she was cold. I couldn’t calm myself. I reached into her mist and melted her heart. This merge was the beginning of my darkness. I was spiraling and all tingly. She thrust herself against me and thunder shook the universe with the first sounds of her onset death. She was so white, so beautiful, so untouched, but I believe now she needed this escape. She needed this light-stopping caress. I took her breath and made it mine, swallowed, and she was no more. I didn’t mean to be alone again.


No, I didn’t mean to be alone again. A flurry of power crushed trees to the earth; that was me! This is my sky. LISTEN! My speech deafens. The ground shakes when I strike it with my light show, I know! Your earth becomes further wind-blown; patches become scorched as proof of my missing her. Can you tell I miss her? Full realization of what I have done hits me and I begin to cry. Rumble. She is gone.


I am not God, I know this, but then I wasn’t thinking straight. My mind was bent, altered somehow, someway, and I know there was this beautiful, white cloud and I sucked her into me, I destroyed her as I made her mine and she made me crazy. The transformation upchucked the whole of my being and I still raged! The sky was my own and I tried as hard as I could to bring it down upon the Earth. What, you may ask, did the Earth ever do to me? The Earth was simply the thing I could touch. I am God! I move and things erode. I speak, and the earth trembles. I throw my lightning bolts and the earth burns! Until today, I didn’t know she was possible. After today, I can’t bear to lose her. I just can’t bear to lose her.


When you look at clouds, you may see things that are not necessarily there. I do the same. I begin to doubt. Did I love her? How could I love her so much when so little time has passed since we met? The answer is simple: how deep you may feel is proportional to the intimacy you allow yourself to span into. My life started with complacency, then curiosity which led to love and destruction, anger, sadness, and now self-analysis. Everything makes sense and has happened before with other clouds, no doubt, but why must I shed myself in tears? Of course, the results of this experiment change when you look at it. I don’t know why this thought goes through my dying mind. Honestly, I don’t even think it was my own thought. Strange things are the winds that push.


Finally, I calm down and see the burning light. I mist and wisp away to another place, but not before sliding across a rainbow of colors. I am not God, no, but I am life giving to a whole new experiment.

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