I, Monster

I, Monster

My house was as still as a deserted grave. Dust swirled around my feet as I stepped over the lintel. Something brushed against my cheek and I jerk back. Ah, just cobwebs. Looking up I could see the mass of cobwebs that lined the walls and hung like rags from the ceiling. This house had once been bright with lights and music and warmed by fires and the company of people. What had happened that I had lost interest; allowed such decay and not noticed? How long has it been I mused? How many years have I wandered around my home while it decayed around me?

Sometimes it seems as if all of this misfortune had come on me just a season or two ago but I know it has been longer. The year my parents became ill and laid upstairs dying I let the house go. Then the summer after their deaths he had come to foul my existence. I remembered that Iâd tried to keep up the pretense of a real life afterwards but that lie was soon abandoned. By winter I had stopped bothering with the furnace or the lamps. There had not been heat or light in this house for many years. Perhaps that would change now. Tonight Iâd ended him, permanently. Tonight I had rediscovered hope.

With a sigh I slumped into a chair in what had once been the parlor and longed for the comfort of a fire. Lacking the will to climb the stairs to get water to clean myself I reached for a dust encrusted bottle of brandy on the side table. I poured it over my face, hands and chest in an effort to wash away some of the filth. I tore off what remained of my stinking, bloody clothes and staggered down to the cellar in search of more brandy. I lit one of the great candles without setting myself ablaze and sank into a chair. Putting the bottle to my mouth I sucked in mouthfuls of it but it would not wash away the taste of the foul blood that clogged my throat. His blood had been cold and bitter but I had taken it anyway. Naked, I sat in the dark of the cellar, letting the flickering candlelight mesmerize me into a state resembling calmness, I monster.

The candle flickered, wavered and began to gutter out. I flinched for I had been staring at the flame. The fragrance of the old brandy, the flickering candlelight and the feel of the smooth, old wood under my skin had comforted me. Slowly I blinked paper dry lids over the hard, dry orbs that were my eyes. Cracked lips opened but I could make no sound. How long had I sat here before the candle? The great candle, as thick as a strong mans arm, had burned down to nothing more than a pool of molten wax. If I could guess by that it had been more than a week. A gnawing hunger swelled within me and I tried to rise to my feet.

Trembling I collapsed back into the chair and lifted a blood encrusted hand to my face. I pulled it away with a cry of horror. I reeked of death and the stinking fluids that come with the death of that creatures body. The stench was overpowering. I needed to wash and I needed to feed. I needed to reclaim myself. In anguish I wanted to scream that he brought me to this but
it would have been a lie. It was I who had created this hell.

The killing had been a vicious one. The evening had started well for it was a holiday and the city had spared no expense for the fireworks. I'd been on the street walking aimlessly, enthralled with the full moon, the music, the sharp acrid tang of gunpowder from the fireworks. The air was heavy with the scent of people and summer flowers. Those who glimpsed me that night would have seen a young woman with a pleasant face dressed in rather old fashioned clothes.

Finally, the noise became too much and I turned into the park to find some quiet. After strolling under the trees for a time I stopped and frowned. I had been hearing the sound of booted feet on stone path behind me. When I stopped my follower stopped but the echo of our footsteps reverberated around the ravine. Someone was following me. It was not human but one of my own kind. Shuddering I turned away. I'd been alone since the change and as of yet had no desire for company and I didn't know what to expect from another vampire.

Why would they follow me? Perhaps some young man or woman newly made had caught sight of me and become curious. Or could it be that one of the ones I'd fed on too often over the years had begun to change and been drawn to me without my conscious will? Now that they were closer I could feel the difference. No. This was a full blooded male and there was something familiar about him even from this distance! How could this be? Though very young I had never sensed another vampire before. Why would one such as he seek me out? What could he want?

Uncertain, I stepped into a circle of lilacs bushes and waited until he came into view. The follower was a tall, slim, well dressed young man. A once handsome face was marked with a long scar ran from his right eye to his chin. I had made that scar!

My maker. The one who changed me. But first, he killed my parents. He befriended them, wormed his way into their lives then mesmerized and attacked them. They were drained slowly night after night so that they seemed to sicken and waste away. No one had guessed the truth of their sickness. He'd taken a great deal of sadistic pleasure in watching them suffer and me grieve. Then he lied to me, changed me, condemned me to this living hell and abandoned me. He'd left me ignorant of my change, of my condition and not knowing what I was or how to live. When I realized what he'd done, what he was I'd tried to kill him but did not succeed. But I did manage to leave him marked for eternity.

Catching sight of me he snarled and charged. Before I could turn to flee he was on me. Grabbing my throat with one clawed hand he used his other fist like a club, pounding it into my face as if he wanted to turn my face to mush. Shock gripped me. Unable to react I fell to the ground tripping over the skirt of my dress. Brutal kicks rained down on me. Then, his erection in hand he attempted to thrust it into my face. His foulness made me gag.

I looked up at him as I lay there and in that instant I could see his intention. He would force me to submit in the foulest of manners then he would entrap me, turn me into his passive puppet. Once he destroyed my will and my mind I would die by his hand. I had given him that scar for he was the one who had turned me. I remembered that night and rage filled my heart.

Staring up at his face I roared with hate. No puny human to be abused anymore. I too was a monster. With teeth extended and spittle flying I launched myself at him and began to capture the revenge I had thirsted after for so long.

He probably never thought that he would ever pay for what he'd done and for what I had become. It was time to pay; tonight he was the victim. He screamed when he saw my eyes and my face as my teeth tore into his flesh. Raping my arms and legs around his body I hung on to him and tore at his throat as he tried to escape. He had not realized that in the few short years after watching me drag myself from the grave that I could learn to feed myself and grow strong? No, he'd not expected that I would become so powerful.

In a frenzy of rage I overpowered him and tore him apart. Ripping his head half off his bleeding neck I drank my fill of his foul blood then picked up a rock and crushed his head with glee. Then pinning what was left of his body to the ground with thick lilac branches I laughed in satisfaction. It was so fitting for the night he'd taken me I had just stepped out into my own yard to cut lilac flowers for the table.

Crouching down beside him I watched for signs of dark life in his crushed body, for some signs of movement but there was nothing. As far as I could tell the final death had taken him. His carcass could lie here in the ravine and hopefully it would completely decay when daylight came. Now that I was sure that his life was gone I prowled through the trees and tried to calm myself. A scream was wrenched from my throat and I fell to my knees and wept for what I had lost and for what I was. Revenge had not ease my pain.

Finally I stirred myself. The sun would be up soon and I should go home. There, I could wash away this filth and blood and dress myself. Then tomorrow night I would come back here to the park and look at his body, or if it had been discovered I would find out what had been done to it. I needed to see him rot into corruption to prove to myself that he had taken the real death and was gone. Then I knew I'd be free.

Forcing myself from the cellar and I bathed and dressed. Now I could see that the clothes where faded with age and my hair was long and unkempt. This would have to change. Perhaps I could make some changes to my life. Go away. Travel. Start something new.

The back lane lead to a nearby farmers field. Cows are placid creatures if you don't startle them. I'd discovered that animal blood would sustain me. While it was not as heady as what I was used to but it was clean and wholesome. Then, strengthened, I returned to the park and retraced my steps back towards the ravine. I don't know what I was expecting. Perhaps proof that he was finished. Pushing aside the bushes I searched for his remains. There was nothing to find except torn brush, broken trees and old traces of blood.

Yes. I would travel. I would travel far from here and start a new existence in some fresh new place where I could see the ocean. For a moment I wondered what had happened to the body. Then I walked away.