Prisoner

Caught in a fog of chaos and torment, I try to shake the haziness from my head as I take in my dismal surroundings once more. My fragile heart begins to race like a stampede of wild buffalo. Making my way towards the wall on unstable legs; I trip over shackles linked to the wall which send a rattling clank to echo through the darkness around. I rub my battered fingertips across my ankles and feel gouges in my legs, and realize I was once held by these chains. Light from a hole the size of my pinky finger pierces the darkness. My fingertips reach out into the darkness hoping for warmth, but only feel the cold, slimy wall that surrounds it. I peer out of the tiny hole; nothing. Just like the cell around me.

Trapped with maddening thoughts and fears, I lay on the dank, mossy brick floor, the coolness a distraction from the foreboding feeling in the pits of my stomach. I try to imagine a world outside these walls; one filled with laughter and love. An image of a village with children playing games, and women chatting outside a market forms in my head. But I am not there. I am here. Probably forever, without solace. The pitter patter of rats scurring around in the shadows make send shivers up my spine. Blue jays chattering just outside the hole; jealousy and anger boils in the pits of my stomach. Why do they get to fly free while I am here alone with no one to care?

I wrap my arms around myself for comfort, but feel rough skin encrusted with blood and filth. My wrists have the same gouges as my ankles, and ache when I move them. My hair is no longer the soft blonde locks I vaguely remember it to be. Now it’s stringy, coarse bailing twine scratching at my face. I look down at myself and shudder as my body is barely covered with tattered clothes smelling as if I had rolled in a pile of manure. My eyes close as I strain to remember how nice being submerged in a warm bath would feel.

Heavy footsteps clank down the corridor signaling the arrival of a sentinel. Inches away from my face, the stench of sulfur stings at my eyes and burn my lungs. It tries to speak, but all I hear is grumbling, as if its mouth is bound. I strain my eyes through the darkness, but cannot see this being. Their body is shadowed within the dark, and their face seems to be covered by a black mask. A whimper escapes me throat at their arrival. Instinctively, I brace myself for the assault that I am sure is to come. It doesn’t. The gruff guffaw of the sentinel resounds off the walls, finding humor in my torment. Whispers creeps like smoke through the door and settle upon me. “This is where you belong, worthless, unloved, insignificant, unloved. You are rubbish, meaningless, easily forgotten. ” Tears threaten to fall, I beat the floor beside me, my knuckles bloodied and broken from frustration. A guttural scream emanates from my throat as if I had become a rabid beast.

Freedom waits at the door after years of torment and seclusion. After my meal of indistinguishable mush is carelessly shoved inside, the metallic clank of the latch locking never comes. My ever watchful guard made a mistake. As I move closer to the door, my feet kick rocks against the door. I scurry back to my corner fearing that I was heard. I listen to the door, and discover the guard left its post. I gather enough courage and strength to attempt my escape. Hands trembling, I fumble with the door. Swiping my arm across my eyes does nothing to clear the haze. Left, right, it is all the same: darkness. Dashing out the door, blistered feet stumble over roots and various debris. The longer I wander around this labyrinth of a prison the more familiar it becomes. I get the weird sensation that I am walking around my own home. As I round a new corner and see a wood door at the end of the corridor. My chest tightens with anxiety, panic courses through my veins. Yet excitement overshadows my fears, I may have found the way out of this madness.

Unaccustomed to running, my bare feet get caught on a root, causing me to tumble to the floor. I push myself up fixated on the door in front of me. The scent of fresh air mixed with the sweet scent of flowers overpowers the scent of dirt, and mildew as I stumble closer to the door. I hesitate at the door, my body shaking with excitement, fear, and hope. My emaciated hand reaches out for the copper knob. The warmth of the sun caresses my scarred face for the first time in years; tears threaten to fall as emotions surge through my body. I lift my foot to step out on the lush, green grass, when suddenly a skeletal hand grabs my shoulder and swings me around. The hand grabs my arms so tight I can’t move, it stares at me with deep dead eyes through the mask. I try to wiggle free, but it’s futile. I cling to the edge of the door, but my grip is too weak. My screams echo off the walls as my abductor drags me down the corridor. My abductor roughly throws me into the chamber and I grab its mask and tear it away. My voice fails me as I try to scream, all I can manage is a hoarse gasp as I look into the face of my captor. The one who tormented me by keeping me here all these years. Myself.