Lesson Two Exercise and Assignment

Lesson two Exercise:

Original vignette:

Yesterday, I had a doctors appointment in a nearby community. I was wondering where I would find parking on the snow covered streets. When I arrived, I found they had opened a spacious parking lot. Standing huddled by a pillar next to the entry was a young girl smoking a cigarette. She was inadequately dressed for the weather in a light brown cloth jacket, jeans and black leather ankle boots. Inside the waiting room, the receptionist counter had a large sign, that said, “anyone with a runny nose, cough or mucus problem must wear a mask.” The sign startled me. I wondered what the medical group might be experiencing, in the type of people they treat, that would cause them to post the sign. Noticing the way people dress or their habits within a given setting are helpful when creating characters.

A. Vignette; First Person with a few changes:

Yesterday, I had a doctors appointment in a nearby community. I was wondering where I would find parking on the snow covered streets. When I arrived, I found they had opened a spacious parking lot.

Standing huddled by a pillar next to the entry was a young girl smoking a cigarette. I thought she was inadequately dressed for the weather in a light cloth jacket, jeans and black leather ankle boots.

Inside the waiting room, the receptionist counter had a large sign, that said, “anyone with a runny nose, cough or mucus problem must wear a mask.” The sign startled me. I wondered, what the medical group might be experiencing, in the type of illness they treat, that would cause them to post the sign.

B. Vignette; Third Person Limited with more changes:

Yesterday, Jan had a doctors appointment in a nearby community. She wondered where she would find parking on the snow covered streets. When she arrived, she was surprised to find the city had opened a spacious parking lot near the medical building.

As she walked toward the building Jan noticed a young girl. The girl stood huddled next to a pillar by the entry. She was smoking a cigarette. Jan thought the girl’s attire was inadequate for the weather. The girl wore a light cloth jacket, jeans and black leather ankle boots.

Inside the waiting room, the receptionist counter had a large sign, that said, “Anyone with a runny nose, cough or mucus problem must wear a mask.” The sign startled her. She wondered what the medical group might be experiencing, in the type of illness they treat, that would cause them to post the sign.

C. Vignette; Third Person Omniscient, rearranged with exceptionally more changes:

Jan, an elderly woman, had a doctors appointment in a nearby community. She was not looking forward to the drive. At the end of her destination the snow covered streets would hold few parking spaces. As she approached the Medical building, She exclaimed out loud to herself, “Look, they finally opened the new parking lot. Just in time for snowy weather.

Walking toward the building Jan noticed a young girl huddled against a pillar, smoking a cigarette. Jan thought the girls cloth jacket and black leather ankle boots seemed inadequate for the weather. The girl stared insolently at Jan as she walked by.

The girl, Melanie, whispered quietly than drew on the cigarette, “I wish I had a long coat and warm boots like that woman. Not much chance of that happening.”

Jan read the sigh in the waiting room which said, “anyone with a runny nose, cough or mucus problem must wear a mask.”
“I wonder what caused them to post such a sign,” Jan thought timidly.

As she looked around at the other patients. As she observed the people in the waiting room she wondered what made each patient come to see the doctors today? Do they have some illness that I can catch.

Then she became disquieted that a sign could bring such a feeling of unease. The sign was just another way to cause dissension within the public.

Questions:
A. What are the differences in the pieces:

First Person stayed very close to the original piece in the way it was written. I only changed a couple of words to make it more first person personnel.
Third Person Limited; I had to move some thoughts around to make the material more acceptable. The material seemed to stagger at points so I tried to make it flow in a more liquid manner.
Third Person Omniscient; This was where it turned from a little I story to something fiction, and presumed. The way it ended up was like someone else knew what Melanie was thinking and how Jan’s feelings revolved around the sign.

Each progression in the different views required more explanations.

B. How did they change when the point of view changed?

What I did one day and what I saw one day evolved from point of view to point of view as a short experience into a full blown story. Every thing needed more information and explanation. It became more than a short view, now it’s the beginning of a story.

C. Did the narrative voice change when the point of view changed?

Yes absolutely. It went from first person, to third person limited, to Omniscient just watching the thoughts and the actions of the characters.

D. Which one do you like the best? Why?

I like the last one because I stretched into the characters minds. I thought about what they might have been thinking and how they might have reacted? It was not me anymore it was Jan and Melanie. This story could have expanded and gone more than one way.

Lesson 2; Assignment:

Vignette Used from lesson one: The word count is only on the new writing below labeled Third Person Limited. The Word Count is from writing in my The Journal 7.

3. Thinking to avoid the afternoon traffic, we finished chores early Friday morning, jumped in the car, and charged off to Walmart. It was 8:00 a.m., when we arrived. I was surprised to find the parking lot filled with cars. An upcoming forecasted storm had given lots of the local folks the same urge. They were going to finish weekend shopping and get tucked in at home before the bad weather arrived. In this instance, it must be group mind information to send so many people out shopping on a Friday morning. It stuck in my mind because people near us are use to unpredictable weather and don’t usually let it alter their habits. Shopping at Walmart is a great place to observe people and events that might later lead to inspiration for a story.
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Third Person Limited: (Word Count 495)

Thinking to avoid the afternoon traffic, we finished chores early Friday morning, jumped in the car, and charged off to DL& A Mall. The sign at the entry to DL & A Mall (Dolly Land and All Mall) said, “We are open for all your needs 24 Hours a day.” It was Megan’s idea to arrive at DL&A early to avoid traffic.

There was a winter storm moving in.We had decided to stock up on snacks and groceries before it hit. It was 8 a.m. when we arrived. Lynn could not believe it. The parking lot was stuffed full of cars. Most of the parking spots were full. Driving around the lot to find a parking spot irritated Megan. Finally, settled into a spot we exited the Renegade.

There were a dozen surveillance cameras. The cameras perched on the top of the building moved back and forth across the lot. Today, as the cameras followed people across the lot with their vision they seemed ominous.

Megan said, “It must be some kind of group mind working to send so many people out this early on a Friday morning.”

“Well the storm warning last night on the news must have been seen by a lot of people. Still,” Lynn thought, " It seems like a lot of people even to me.”

As we walked toward the store Megan sighed, “ I guess I can’t fault a bunch of people who just want what we want, to finish weekend shopping and get tucked into home before the storm hits.”

At the store entry Megan stated, I’m off to electronics the new Martian movie is out and I want to watch it this weekend.”
O.K. Lynn replied, after I pickup some dog and cat food I will be in the grocery department.”

As Lynn wandered through the grocery Isle picking up items she noticed many families with school age children were pushing their carts through isles.

One mother with a boy of about 12 asked, “Do you know which Isle has tortilla’s?

“Try the next one over with flour and specialties.” Lynn replied. “ Are the schools closed today?”

“There was an emergency closing but they did not explain why.” She moved off to the next isle.

Megan popped around the corner of the isle singing a song. She dumped an armful of groceries she had collected into the cart. She said, “Did you see all the kids home on a school day.”

Yeah, Lynn replied. A mom just told me schools are closed for an emergency day. When we get home let’s look for some local news see if we can find out what is going on. This storm is not suppose to hit until late evening sometime.

We left the store with extra supplies. More, I was sure than we were going to need.

On the way home the roads were jammed with people streaming toward the town and also with cars leaving the shopping areas.