Moving on...

After getting dumped by my first love and feeling that my world was ending I was depressed for many weeks. I was so heartbroken that I didn't want to tell anyone what was happening I didn't eat all I wanted was to be alone because what he did to me was so painful, with him I felt alive I felt that with him it was real that we were forever but I guess I was wrong...After this I soon fell into a drug addiction and was also using alcohol to forget about him. There was this party me and my friend Aileen went to were I was at my lowest were I knew that I had to stop. The average pool backyard with the usual teenage that just want to drink and get high were there. Her and I like to go to other school parties to meet people yeah that sounds strange but we like to meet unique people at parties. I had a bottle of peach flavored vodka and I was so high not only this I had zanies that I was selling to people. How was this okay? I didn't realize what I was doing till after when I started to see the damage I was doing to my body I was so mess up in the head. That feeling that I was that tweaked out teen with no control. I wasn't scared of anything and I knew no one could stop me...I couldn't even stop myself. I tried cocaine for the first time with this guy I met his name was Joey after that first time I couldn't stop. I was going to school super coked out with the hope I would forget him but not the drugs or alcohol were helping. Losing my friends because of my crazy mood swings and causing my grades to come crumbling down I was failing all my classes. Deep in depression with all these addictions I soon took the worst decision of my life which was to end mine....I started cutting to release all the pain from the inside of my broken heart but it didn't help, I was alone. I couldn't take it anymore, the tears just came out. trying to stay strong but you can't because you feel alone with no one by your side. You're by yourself and no one seems to care if you're fine. "Alone we come and alone we go.". The thought of killing yourself to end the pain you feel everyday. No one understands you and you try and try but you can't anymore. Hurting yourself and looking into drugs you can take to escape this world. Feeling that you don't belong anymore. No one cared, no one loved me and no one was there. Why should I stay here with all this pain that just hurts me everyday. My blood was dripping all over the sink, my tears falling from my face. Thinking this will be the end just because I gave my all to this stupid boy that just crushed it all. Losing him caused all this but in reality its my fault for not moving on the ways your suppose to by healing, by being around people that love you, and by moving forward not backwards. Yeah he's always going to be there, he's always going to be a part of me. Maybe I should of listen to the people that cared about me like he might not care about me so why should I....