Get Up

I cannot find the words to speak to you. Perhaps I know you would not hear them.
They echo in my heart. A heart you used to read so well, as though it beat in sync with yours.
But the beat has slipped and the rhythm has changed. A hollow thud now sounds in my chest.
A space haunted by jaded memories and desperate flashes of a hope dashed.
I always said one day I would walk alone but I hoped that I was wrong.
I was, but not about my fate, about you. I put my faith in the wrong place, in the wrong soul.
I should have given myself all the love i gave you, it is what I deserved. Did you not see that?
I underestimated my worth, I overestimated your love.
And you will never see what you have left behind. You will walk on.
I hope, deep in my heart, that you walk happy and head held high.
To make up for my down cast spirits and broken feelings.
I will survive, I always do. There will be new hopes and new chances.
New fates and new people to fill my days and desires. But they will have a fight on their hands.
To break through the wall that I built with the shattered remains you left of me.
Did you not see it over your shoulder as you left?
I never told you of the pain, I never wanted you to know such a thing.
But pain doesn't last forever, right? Wounds heal and the scars fade, til they represent a distant memory.
I wonder if I will look at you differently when you are a distant memory.
I wonder if I will cast the promises that you made and broke in a different light.
I wonder if I will remember you fondly when the tears have stopped falling.
I wonder if I will drown in them, when you are the only one who can save me but aren't willing to swim.
I wonder when the day will come that I can get back up and move on, but I do know that it will come.
It will come and I will sigh with relief and smile for it. You won't see it, the effort it takes me to stand and take a step.
You won't see the burden lift from my shoulders, see me wipe my eyes.
I relinquished control to you. I will take it back, you won't even notice.
Everything I gave, will be mine again.