THE CHRISTMAS CAPER

THE CHRISTMAS CAPER

“Another break in, Lieutenant?”

“Yes Captain,” answered Lieutenant  Fezziwig.  “same as the others.  The perpetrator must have thought the home owners were away.  My guess is he wanted to use the place to stash stuff, probably hot.”

“Seems kind of odd, Fez.  Why wrap up stolen goods with fancy paper and ribbons?  Why leave a tree with lights and tinsel?  And always the living room.  Have you traced any of this stuff?”

“No traces yet, Captain.  No physical evidence either.  No forced entry, no fingerprints, no footprints on the lawn.  It’s like he came down the chimney and wore gloves the whole time.”

“What’s next, Fez?”

“Looks like stakeout time, Cap.”

Lieutenant Fezziwig had done his homework.  The break ins followed a pattern.  He had a pretty good idea of where the next one should be.  Fezziwig worked with the police department to arrange for the owners of a house in the right neighborhood to be away for a few days.  Then he made sure the house stayed dark at night, and newspapers piled up on the front porch.  If Fezziwig was right, that would draw the perpetrator in.  All Fezziwig had to do was wait. 

He hid in a closet.  Fezziwig had a good view of the living room through a slightly open closet door.  Once he caught the suspect in the act, Fezziwig would call in back up and make the collar.  That night, Fezziwig got his chance.

Looking back, Fezziwig thought it must have happened during a noisy hail storm.  He remembered hearing clattering on the roof.  Then this guy appeared out of nowhere!  Once he started laying  wrapped boxes on the floor, Lieutenant Fezziwig had him!

“All right, big guy,” said Fezziwig, “just stay still and keep your hands where I can see them.  Clever disguise!  Strange red clothes and a big fake beard. Even it someone gets an eyeful of you, they can’t give a good description!”

“Fezziwig!” said the big man.  “I haven’t seen you since you were four years old!”

“Stow it old timer.  As soon as the captain gets here you’re going down town.”

The old guy in red started laughing.  Not just any laugh, but an odd “Ho, Ho, Ho!”  Fezziwig later testified that his ample girth shook like a bowl full of jelly.

“You’re mighty jolly for a guy on the way to the slammer!”

But the laughter kept up. The last thing Lieutenant Fezziwig remembered was seeing the suspect blink his eye and nod his head. The room started to spin, or was it Fezziwig spinning?

When Fezziwig woke flat on the floor, he saw the detective captain standing over him.
“Well Fez, the suspect got away, but at least the stuff is here.  How did he manage to wrap you up in so much green ribbon?”

“No idea,” said Fezziwig. 

“There’s one more piece of bad news, Fez.  He pinned a note on you before he escaped.  Fez, you’re on the naughty list.”