TURKEY TROT

TURKEY TROT                                                                                                              

         "Hey, you a turkey? What's that red, dangly thing on yer face?"                                                  

         "That sir, is my wattle. The hens happen to love it."                                                            

         "Are you fer real? A waddle? Aint that a duck walk?"                                                            

         "I'm proud of my wattle, young man. It marks me as a strong, virile turkey."                              

         "But you's bald with a red an' wrinkled neck. Doncha know you ugly?"                                        

         "I'll have you know I am a most eligible bachelor. I'm considered prime meat. Many hens have squabbled over me."                                                                                                              

         "Pfft, you a catch? I aint that lucky with the birds. What's yo' secret? How do ya butter 'em up?"          

         "Ah, the art of seduction. The fairer sex cannot resist confidence. Puff out your chest, stand tall, and fan out your glorious tail feathers . Oh, and dance."                                                                      

         "Uh, I don't got tail feathers. I hear 'shake yer tail' alla time from ma boss. Yeah, I been told about the slouchin'. I dunno 'bout dancin'."                                                                                

         "Oh, trust me, dancing woos the ladies. What you need young man is a mentor."                              

         "A mentor, what?"                                                                                                    

         "I am offering to be your teacher, your coach. With my assistance, the young women will gobble you up."                                                                                                                        

         "Well, ya do seem to be full a yerself; stuffed wit' somethin'. I s'pose I could use me some a what you got. Okay. Wanna come back to my place? The stove shoulda warmed it by now."                    

         "Is that an invitation? I do love a challenge. I accept. Prepare to be transformed."                    

         "Ah, what kinda dance do ya do? If this is gonna be hours, maybe you's should stay fer dinner."          

         "In answer to your question, I dance the turkey trot. It will probably cause us to be peckish, so I imagine we will appreciate a fine meal. What may I ask is on the menu?"                                                  

         "I dunno. I never had a turkey fer dinner before. Um, does this dancin' melt pounds?"                    

         "Cranberry sauce! The turkey trot has sculpted me into the strong, stout fellow you see before you. "                                                                                                                                  

         "Huh, I just went huntin' fer kindlin'. I never thought I'd be bringin' a big turkey home fer dinner. You said somethin' 'bout cranberry sauce." ( 359 words )