Perspective

Perspective
By Chris Nance

Alas, Fate can be a cruel mistress. I mean, you’d think I was the bad guy or something, the way the tables have turned. After all, what were they before I arrived? Meaningless specks in an unforgiving universe, that’s what. Most of them were hardly developed at all…had barely even left their own planet. They poisoned the ground and the air and were steadily exhausting just about every resource they had. Without me, their whole species would probably be dead in a few eons. I saved them from themselves!

Now, I’ve been around for quite a while and I can tell you I’ve saved so many civilizations from their own demise, it’s hard to count. Look at the Flatna of Flatnaloth. They actually thought that traveling to the next star system was a good idea. Well, I can tell you that their neighbors, the Norath, would have eaten every last one of the Flatna. It was a good thing I was there to enslave them all. Sure the Flatnaloth fleet put up about a 30 second fight, but I knew better. It was in their own best interest for them to stay right where they were. So, I figured that if they mined every ounce of gold from the core of their planet for the next several thousand of their years, that would suffice for payment. I was even there for them when they started to run out of food, quickly processing the Norath out of the kindness of my heart. Those ungrateful Flatna didn’t even appreciate the irony.

Take the Corellons for example. Their farms had such a surplus of food I was more than happy to acquire the excess for my own forces. I even did them a favor, eliminating ninety percent of their population, so there was more than enough food for everyone.

More recently, the Telaxians had created a new form of methyl-stabilized fusion. It was only a matter of time before they had a reactor breach and all died a slow death from radiation poisoning. I graciously had my drones liberate it from the solitary continent on their planet and incorporated it into my world crushing engine. Happily, their world was the perfect first test subject and our experiment went off without a hitch. It was such a relief to see Telaxia crushed into oblivion on the first try. Honestly, we’d never done that before and my scientists had a lot on the line. I mean, if that thing had failed, boy it would have been bad.

I just don’t get why so many systems put up such a fight. I’ve saved whole civilizations from the suffering of plagues by devastating the population before the disease gets out of control. I’ve prevented long, drawn-out wars by providing doomsday weapons to both factions. I’ve even commandeered dangerous technology and eradicated their ability to produce more by wiping the minds of their greatest scientists. I can’t tell you the number of sentient peoples I’ve saved from the drudgery and confusion of their own freedoms by subjugating whole galaxies at a time.

This is the thanks I get. Cornered and trapped now in a cage by these giants as they hover over me. In all my travels, all my time, I’ve never encountered a species such as this and they truly bested me. Good thing my translator is still working. They call themselves ‘Hoo-mon.’ Stupid name if you ask me. Still, for all my work and the good I’ve done, it seems I’m slated now to be nothing more than a curious experiment for some know-nothing monster in a backwater laboratory. Don’t they know who I am? I am Malthius the Beneficent, Savior of the Naive, Liberator of Ingenuity, and Conqueror of the Doomed! I should be beyond this treatment! They should be worshipping me! I deserve a medal for my kindnesses! This is outrageous! Great, now one of them is peering down at me with its monstrous eyes.

“Do you think it understands us?” one of the tremendous giant says.

“Who knows?” the other replies. “All it does is squeak and shake its fists at us. Anyways, these little toys it was flying around in are pretty impressive. I’m sure someone at NASA would like to get their hands on them.” Of course they’re referring to my glorious fleet, now smashed to pieces and laying atop their tremendous table. Sigh, they’re leering at me again. “What do you think it is?” the enormous thing says. Ugh, now that other monster is poking me with some sort of instrument.

“It doesn’t matter. Just get it ready for transport. They want it alive and undamaged.”

“Why?”

“I think they’d like to vivisect it. They want to find out what it is and how it works. It’s a shame because It’s kinda cute. I mean, look at its little clothes.”

Oh, what a cruel universe!