Let's Talk, Turkey!

“D’you really think this is a good idea? I mean, after what happened last time?”

“Oh please. I’m man enough to admit I made a mistake. And it was an honest mistake! How was I supposed to know?”

“Seriously, Steve? How were you supposed to know? You invited our neighbor to a traditional Thanksgiving dinner last year, completely forgetting the fact that he himself is a turkey? And we haven’t spoken to him or his family for almost a year? All because the one time you’re in charge of the main course, you probably cooked one of the guests’ cousins?”

“Hey, I remember what happened! Why’re you repeating all this?”

“I... I don’t know. It just seemed like a good idea to say all of it out-loud. You know, as dialogue, or whatever....”

“Uh-huh. Ring the bell, Susan.”

“I really think you’re better off sending him an email.”

“Ring the bell, Susan!”

“Or even just dropping a note through his mail slot?”

“Ring the–!”

“Hobble?”

“–bell! Uh, hello Tom! How are y-oof!”

“Well, I saw that coming.”

“He slammed the door in my face!”

“Of course he did. For starters, you called him Tom.”

“Yeah, so? Is it... not Tom?”

“His name is Gary, Steve.”

“Gah, right! Gary the Taco Turkey! Why do I keep thinking ‘Tom’?”

“Aw, Steve, where do I even...? It’s not ‘Taco’, it’s ‘Tacchino’. Gary Tacchino.”

“Seems like a–”

“And you probably think his name is Tom because he’s a turkey.”

“Well you can’t blame me for–”

“C’mon, Steve, I don’t see this ending well. Let’s just go home. Your hockey’s on! You wanna watch your hockey?”

“I’m not a child, Susan, and I’m perfectly capable of–”

“What the fobble are ya people doin’ out here?”

“Oh! Hey, there! Um... Gary! Hello, Gary! How’re you doing, Gary? Susan, you know Gary, right?”

“Oh Steve....”

“If ya don’t clear out, I’m callin’ the cobbles!”

“Uh... cobbles?”

“He means cops, Steve. Please don’t make this worse.”

“Now now, Susan! So listen, uh, Gary.... we’re all neighbors here. I realize we probably didn’t start off on the right foot–”

“Probobbly? No probobbly abobble it! See here, this time of year’s always hard enough – what with the hobblidays comin’ on and here’s me with three little poults gobblin’ me out of corn and cob! The last thing me and Silvia need is another dinner party that serves fobblin’ turkey!”

“You’re right, I was stupid. Susan here was all over it – she said we should switch to ham for Thanksgiving! But the guy at the meat counter started his pitch, and it was a pretty good deal, so I–”

“What Steve’s trying to say is that we’d really like a second chance. No Thanksgiving, just a nice friendly autumn-themed get-together.”

“That’s right! And the only turkey at the table will be the one from next door–ow! He slammed the door again!”

“Oh Steve, you lunkhead, was there no better way to phrase that?”

End