Lost

Lost

I sit on my bed looking through my phone ….l look at your messages l realise that you had been up at 4am…

“What is it that was bothering you at that time of the day my love?’ l ask myself …

I t has been two weeks since we decided that we had ended it …no.. since you told me that you did not want us to “be friends” anymore…

Friends? I ask …Was all this we shared together just friendship?

I am lost …all that passion ,all the hunger and cravings our bodies had for each other …the photos we would send each morning without fail just to remind each other of what our bodies missed and how much we were comfortable to share that sacred part you can only share with the special ones …My love l am lost …

I sit still l try to digest your statement …could l have been lying to myself all this time that we were together …was it a relationship ?Were you recognising this as anything at all? …My mind is reeling off with these questions only you can answer but you are not here to answer that anymore…

My bones, the fibres of my muscles and every hair on my body is telling me that I want you, l need you and you still the one that makes my juices flow …but my darling …”is it the human nature in me that’s kicking in craving for what it can never have or my soul is telling me that you are the one.

It’s been 6 months of us seeing each other,the first few months are filled with promises of the future ,our children, the pregnancies …oh how we would fantasise so much about those pregnancies, how it would be so different when we make love and you would be able to feel the baby when l was pregnant … a smile comes to my face when l recall how you thought l was going to be pregnant every year…

I wouldn’t see you every day or do what other couples in a relationship do like going to the movies together, having dinner and all those nice little activities …l just loved the nights we had together, the passionate phone calls we would have morning and night.

I didn’t need to have a special light switched on to start our morning “sessions” on the phone …lt was an Automatic reaction …the phone rings and we are at it …or just a text to say …hey …

‘I want you now …””I want to cum deep inside you “

“…my body is hungry for you “……

We would continue with the wild descriptions on what we wished we could do to each other until we both scream out ….Im cumming !!! baby Im cumming !!!

Those many shared moments which would see us getting up panting and breathless after making love on the phone ! and giving us the glow we would carry through the day.

My darling, my lover how do l define this as nothing? My brain doesn’t know how to phantom this ….l walk around in my bedroom in circles not sure if l should open the door and face the world ..get into the wardrobe sit down and cry or into the bathroom and have a shower and wash away all the memories…

Your words are around me,the passion is around me ,your smell ,your voice, your cry of desperation and relief ,the desire to explore and satify its still all tangible on the walls around my bedroom ..Its the memories no one else can identify and understand ….

I still at the photos you sent me over the months,the messages you sent at anytime of the day …l recognise the connection ..it looks so natural …l did not need to think twice about how l looked …l knew that at anytime of the day l was attractive to you.

I

My darling l am lost in this wilderness …..