My chance

         I have been sad for awhile. You know how some people just aren't good at sports, a certain subject in school or, it could be anything really. Well my problem is life, something just doesn't click. It's like I'm missing something, something that everyone else has. I don't say this for pity, I just want you to better understand my actions.
         I like to take walks late at night, when I find myself unable to sleep and, when certain undesirable thoughts start to creep into my mind. So, that's why I found myself walking the city streets this fine night. There was a light drizzle and, the smell of shit was clawing it's way into my nostrils. This was a common smell in this part of the city. I'd learned that any distraction is better than an empty head that's when I started to remember how I am. Even a small respite such as detecting any smell was welcomed. I searched the streets for anything, I saw a stray dog sitting under a street light that I was slowly approaching. I walked up to it, he seemed nice enough. I started to pet him, I got down on one knee. He licked my face, I smiled, I had a dog when I was younger. I missed those days, without warning his jaws clamped down on my nose, he started to growl. Instinctively, I tried to pull away but, he leaned into me I was on my back now, he was on top of me. He let go of my nose and his jaws shut around my neck. He was strangling me, I was tired, I no longer valued my own life. I closed my eyes and waited for the calm of death. Sadly, it did not come, when I opened my eyes I was standing still, staring at the dog, he was an arms length away. I reached out.
         "Please, help me." I whispered.
         He scurried away. I sighed and kept on walking. I started to get close to an alleyway that I had passed a thousand times. Usually, I heard stray cats hissing at me as I passed. I would day dream that they would pounce on me and claw out my neck, but they never did. Tonight was different, as I approached the alley I heard hushed tones. I turned into the corner to see what was going on. A man was being held at gunpoint.
         "Listen, I've given you all my money please, let me go." The man said.
         He was an elderly man, he was wearing a black suit, he had short grey hair a pointy nose and, tired blue eyes.
"Give me your watch." The gunman said.
He was a homeless man or, at least looked like he was. He was wearing what had been a light grey coat but, due to the assortment of dirt and various stains it now looked like it was multi colored. His jeans were ripped at the knees and a huge hole was found at the left ankle. He was wearing one boot that was three sizes too big and, a shoe that was so worn out and small his toes were poking through the front. He had an unkempt beard and, greasy long brown hair. He had green eyes that were filled with sorrow and, a dash of anger. I could smell the whiskey on his breath from where I was standing. He was waving his sorry excuse for a gun around. It was one of those six shooter revolvers that you would see in westerns, only it was completely covered in rust. I walked in between them.
         "Who the fuck are you?" The gunman said, pointing his gun towards me.
         I looked at the old man. "Get out of here."
         "Th-thank you." He stuttered and ran away.
         "Looks like we have a hero, empty your pockets." The gunman said.
         I walked towards him so the barrel of the gun was touching my chest.
         "Pull the trigger." I said calmly.
         "Wh-what?" He said dumbfounded.
         "You heard me pull the trigger." I placed my hands around the barrel of the gun. "Do it!"
         As I shouted he pulled the trigger "click" nothing happened. He tried again, "click" I was getting agitated. I grabbed the gun out of his drunken hands and, put it in my mouth. "Click", "click", "click" I was furious now, I thought maybe it could finally all be over this was my chance, it was no day dream.
         "No bullets!" I shouted and, pointed the gun at him. He started to raise his hand and open his mouth to object. I pulled the trigger, the gun thundered, I had been holding it so lazily it jumped out of my hand. The homeless man was sent flying on his back. I stood in shock at what had just transpired for a few seconds. When I snapped out of it I rushed to his side.
         "Oh my god, I'm so sorry don't worry I'm going to get help." I said to him. "Somebody help!" I yelled as loud as I could.
         I felt a pain in my side I looked down to see the handle of a knife protruding out of me. I rolled over onto my back next to him.
         "You bastard, you're going to die with me." He said and, started to laugh.
         "I can only hope." I whispered as I closed my eyes and fell into unconsciousness. I woke up to find myself in a white room only, it wasn't really a room. There were no walls or ceiling it was just completely white, for as far as the eye can see. I started to panic.
         "No, no, no!" I shouted. I had always imagined nothingness after death now I was completely alone with my thoughts no more distractions. I was about to break down and start sobbing when I saw it. It was like a dark cloud was engulfing everything. I started to run to it, I was so close I reached out to grab it and, I could of sworn it opened up to welcome me. Just as I was about to reach it, I heard something a beeping noise. The darkness stopped in its tracks and, I was frozen in place. It grew louder and louder, the cloud started to drift away faster and faster until it was out of sight.
         "No please, come back for me." I said. The "room" started to get brighter. I had to close my eyes and started to rub them. When I opened them I was in a hospital room. A doctor was speaking to someone in the room.
         "Your son should be awake soon." He stated, He cleared his throat. "I thought you should know, the man who did this to him succumbed to his wound a few moments ago."
         It felt like I had just received an electric shock. I had killed a man. Tears started to form in my eyes.
         "He didn't deserve to die. That should have been me!." I thought. "Why wasn't it me!"
         I rolled off the bed and hit the floor.
         I started wailing. "No, no, no, why the fuck wasn't it me!" I started hitting the ground. I had completely tuned out everyone else. "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!" I screamed.
         I felt a syringe being jabbed into my arm and, slowly let the darkness over take me.


I hope you enjoyed the story. If have the time, please leave a review, any advice or simply telling me if you liked it or not would be much appreciated. Thank you.