Alfie - A Day In The Life

Alfie - A Day In The Life

Beep beep beep beep beep beep. What’s that?! Do I hear the beeps? Is that the beeps? Oh my God, it’s the beeps! Time to wake her up. Hey, Rach, come on, time for my walk. Oh, she’s playing that game where I have to nibble her finger. She likes that game. Ok, I’ll play along.

“Ouch, Alfie, stop it! I’m getting up, ok? Give me a chance.”

She’s so funny, my human. Always playing games. Come on, get up. I know, I’ll rub my butt in her face, she loves that smell almost as much as I do, it always invigorates her. Here you go, Rachel, smell my butt.

“Alfie! No, I’m getting up now. See? Feet out of bed, standing up.”

Yay, oh my God, she’s actually getting up. Oh, I forgot, she likes to put on different clothes before we go out. What’s that about? All I ever wear is my collar and I look amazing. Everyone loves me, I think it’s on account of my beautiful eyes and soft, playful ears. Rachel tells me the silver hairs on my chin are adorable too. I was a bit self conscious at first, I’m only four and a half, but apparently they make me look handsomely distinguished.

Wait a minute, here she comes. She’s dressed for outside, it must be time. Is it? Is it time? She’s reaching for my lead! Woohoo! I don't think I could be any more excited than I am right now. What’s happening? Oh no, my legs are doing the “time for a walk dance”, I can’t stop them, they never do as I say. I’m darting this way and that, Rachel’s trying to grab my collar to hook me up, this is so much fun. I love our early morning walks. Catch me if you can, Rach, come on, just try. Oh, ok, I’ll let you grab me. We can’t play this game all day long, one of us has to be sensible.

Mmmm, just smell that beautiful aroma. It makes my stomach flip flop, I think it’s what love feels like. I always feel this when I pass the rubbish bins. Where are we going today, I wonder? Maybe across the car park, to town, maybe across the road, to the grass, maybe to…oh wait, we’re turning left, past the mean man’s house. I never understand why she always takes me past there, she hates him and he shouts at her. Still, she walks past him. She tells me she feels safe with me, I will protect her. And I will, I’m a big, brave dog. I’m not scared of anything, but please don’t ever leave me in the same room as a tiny little bug, they are evil. Kittens too, those scary little mites.

Ooh, look at that. It’s one of those spiky things, what are they called? Hedgehogs, maybe. Yes, hedgehogs. I love hedgehogs, I’m going to say hello. “Alfie, no, you’ll prick your nose. Too late. ” Woah, dude, that was uncalled for. I only wanted to say hello, what did you do that for? Ouch, my nose, that hurt.

“You’ll never learn, Alf. Every time, you get pricked on the nose. All hedgehogs are the same, you silly wally.” Well that’s a bit harsh. I’m a friendly dog, I like to be jovial with people. It’s my nature.

That was a lovely walk. I think I’ll have a nap now, recharge my batteries. I’ll lie here, but which way shall I face? I know, I’ll turn around three times and then drop and whichever way I’m facing, there I’ll sleep. Bliss.

“I’m just popping to the shops, Alfie, I won’t be long. Be a good boy, look after the house.” Yes, M’am. You can count on me, I’ll protect the house from any unwanted assailants. Alfie the Great. I’ll sit in this chair, it gives me the best vantage point. I can survey the living room, some of the bedroom and some of the kitchen from here. Wait. What’s that noise? Who’s there? Someone’s breaking in, I’m Alfie the Great, I must protect. I can hear you, I’m coming to find you! Maybe they’re under this cushion, I’ll lift it and have a look. No, not there. Maybe they’re inside the cushion, I’m gong to have to shake them out. Phew this is hard work. The fuzzy stuff inside makes me cough. I think I can be sure this cushion is burglar free, though. Hang on, there’s three others, I bet they’re in one of those. “Alfie, no! What are you doing?! Look at this mess, you’ve ruined the cushions. Bad dog, out of the way, go on, go!”

I can’t deny, I’m a little hurt by that. I’m not a bad boy, I was protecting the house. There were burglars in the cushions. Somehow, they escaped, I don’t know how, but they were there. Well, screw you, Rachel. That’s the last time I do you a favour.

I can hear my bowl. Food time! I love food time more than any other, it’s the best. Thank you, Rachel, I love you. Thank you for my lovely food. Oh, it’s biscuits again. No meat? Even though I’ve had a busy day? Ok, biscuits it is. Nom nom nom. Love food time.

I can hear my lead, let’s take a look. Yay! My lead, walk time. My legs are doing the “time for a walk dance”. I have no control over them, it’s like they’re independent from my body. Spin, spin, dart to the left, dart to the right. Come on, Rach, catch me if you can. “Alfie. Sit still, I can’t put your lead on when you’re spinning. Come on, Alf.” Oh ok, I’ll let you. Wait a minute…David’s coming too? Yes, this will be a great walk.

Oh, the smell of the rubbish bins. It’s making me hungry, how long until breakfast? It must be hours since I ate anything. Oh look, it’s one of those prickly things? Now what are they called? I’ll go and introduce myself. Hey, I’m Alfie. Ouch! He pricked me, I can’t believe he pricked me!

Home again, what a lovely walk. Time to settle down until the beeps happen. The question is, in which spot shall I sleep?


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