the confession

"you know , Emily, i dont want to keep this forever inside my head, since i have met you ,my eyes have fallen in love with your eyes, my hands have liked your hands, my ears have loved your ears, my brain has never stop thinking about yours, my heart has gotten crazy about your heart and my lips always have wanted your lips. i really dont know how to put this in words and i dont want to look cheesy but since the day you came to this neighborhood -i still remember your white floral dress, that smile you put on your face that day- and im feeling dizzy of your awesomeness . like a drunk poor kid at his first night in bar. i feel drunk of love. i am Emiloholic i guess. you are-literally- the honey to my bees, the rain to my trees. you are vitamins to my thirsty starving mind. in a million years , in a million lifetimes , in a million different realties , out of millions of people, i will always choose you, like my favorite sparkling star at night sky. now i just want to feel that sensation of belonging , i want to belong to you, i want to be yours as much as i want you to be mine. i will go to the end of the world, i will do whatever i can do just to feel your hand holding mine. i still remember that day you were dancing under the rain shouting "whether you enjoy the rain or you just get wet" . i was watching you , watching how unbelievably amazing you can be. how breathtakingly you impress me. that time i envied the wind -when it and not i- gets the opportunity to perfectly messes with your hair. i quickly became jealous of the rain -when it and not i- could touch precisely and elegantly every spot of your skin .everyday i look at you with feelings. i hear you with emotions while you talk to me with mere words. i couldnt resist the idea that someone else could take you from me so i have to say what i said now. how can't i tell you all this when in a matter of seconds, i mean in a sight of nanoseconds you stole my heart like the one and only time i wanted to be stolen. when ,with the way of your softly and suddenly appearance in my life, you terribly made me fell peacefully in love, like a leaf falls on the finest spring water's layer. i feel alive. Emily will you please go out with me? "
as thinking what i should tell her tomorrow , that sounded perfect to me yet -as long as it might seem- i believed it didnt describe what i really want to say. this is bigger than words.
today is the day, i feel ready. i am prepared. i will confess no matter what. i spent the whole night preparing for this , finding the best words. thinking about the best way to do it. and now im all excited to get this off my chest. there she is , closing the door as she is heading to school. do i have to do this now? maybe not the right mood. no. no hesitation. i got to do what i got to do. step forward. be calm. it is just a confession not a war. while im trying to reach her , a black convertible BMW stops a few meters a head. she is talking to a sunglasses-wealthy-that-can-buy-anything-he-wants kind of guy. no!! please refuse . please stay , i need to tell you something really important , but my voice cant get at her. it was too deep to be heard. she is heading toward me. yeah!! she didnt accept. i think its really my day. oh my god! i shouldnt get confused, i ll be normal. i ll just say it . "hey, john i..." she said. "jack" i interrupted, "oh sorry jack" she smiled "i need a favor , if my dad asks about me , just say you saw me at school today, deal? im counting on you, jack!! " , "deal " i replied. the cant-get-any-more-weirdly-awkward situation. how unlucky i am? she left quickly. a run . a jump in . a kiss. an engine noise. a "yahooooo". a "lets gooooo". a drifting .an another engine noise. a farewell . a disappointment. silence.
as i keep walking alone to school, feeling like an electric choc gets through my body, like a strom destroys in a minute a whole-night-no-sleep preparation, like a rock thrown into the bottom of a river "bloooook" , i m hoping that i won't turn from a beautiful Emiloholic to a poor wimpy alcoholic.