Battle of Wits

Wits

"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person,"
said the keychain swinging from my purse.
Even though I lost ours before it even started,
you should know I still stand by that phrase.

I've lost countless quarrels with you before they started:
lost my mind before I found it,
lost the Pacific Ocean in the Atlantic like Atlantis,
thought Dali was Picasso when he was neither,
thought a nod said "no" when it was a shake that said "yes",
put dots over my T's and crossed my I's,
put the car in the tree to protect it from the bear when the food was supposed to be protected.

Now, the battle failed, you time after time correct me.
Yes is no,
purple is orange,
simple is strange,
blue is red,
foot is head,
black is white,
left is right,
jolly, bearded, red velvet suit wearing man
in a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer,
Papa Smurf.

At any rate,
you won before it begun.
You have unarmed me.
I have lost my keychain.
Why not believe you?