Self-Hate

There is a secret part of me,
Which I don’t want others to see,
I can’t count all the nights when I cried,
Because my self-hate is killing me from the inside.

When people ask me how I’m feeling I lie,
Replying, “I’m great” though I just want to die,
I want to see myself in pain,
I know it’ll calm me, again and again.

As I feel the blood trickling down my arm,
I look at it like at a lucky charm,
I think about all of my mistakes,
And my whole body shakes.

I say that I got in a fight with a monstrosity,
Felling my self hate growing with more ferocity,
I’d love to tell the truth to anyone,
But they’ll turn their back on me like everybody.

I am stuck with someone I hate till I die,
And what people ‘know’ about me is a lie,
I want to kill myself, for this I ache,
But I won’t do it, for their sake.