Interview with my Alters

         This has been no easy task for me. In fact I am certain that it required all of the therapy I have undergone to this point for this to even be possible. In order to approach them I had to close my eyes and turn to the path that exists in my mind. It is a beautiful green pasture with a blue sky and cumulus clouds. A grey and brown cobblestone path lined with greenery runs through the field toward a dark wooded area.

         I always start in the field and follow the path to the very entrance of the woods. They wait for me in the shade perched upon an excessively large hammock anchored in two oaks. Julie and “Ash” lay on the left half of the hammock with their legs dangling off the side. Elizabeth lays in the middle with her legs spread inappropriately wide and her arms behind her head. She touches Julie when they lay there. Sophie sits on the right side not touched by anyone in the most proper position she can conjure given the nature of the seat. I think it's funny that no one ever lays in the hammock "correctly."

         As I approached the hammock today, I noticed for the first that another girl was sitting at the base of the oak tree. She was almost invisible but she looked rather comfortable where she sat. I knew that she had to be Mia.

         I performed each interview one alter at a time. With my eyes still closed, I coaxed each alter out of the hammock and lead them down the path and back into the sunshine with me. We sat with our legs crossed on the edge of the cobblestone facing each other and I asked the questions aloud and recorded their responses on paper in my lap. I started with the youngest alter and ended with the oldest and finished with myself.

My alters are:

Julie- 4 years old

unknown name boy (insists I call him “Ash”)- 6 or 7 years old

Elizabeth- 14 years old

Mia- 16 or 17 years old

Sophie- 19 years old

Here are the final results of the interview.


1. List five words that best describe you.

Julie:
“I’m pretty I guess. Also innocent, um, curious, and scared to go play outside or get in trouble.”

Ash:
“I’m gross, funny, obedient, outdoorsy, and a daredevil.”

Elizabeth:
“I am blunt, shy, stand-offish, somewhat literate, and I have good intentions.”

Mia:
“I am anxious but spiritual, optimistic but lost, and I find joy in simplicity.”

Sophie:
“Let’s see. I am short and I take a lot of pride in that. I’m insecure, fun-loving, chaotic… and I guess quirky is a better word than neurotic.

Me:
I am strong, confident, unstable, rare, and loving.


2. What are your three biggest character flaws?

Julie:
“I’m messy. I cry too much. I am dependent on people.”

Ash:
“I don’t believe in Santa or God. I let people be mean to other people and don’t stop them. I act tougher than I am.”

Elizabeth:
“I have a lot of trouble getting to know people. I am way too sexually active for my age and that causes me a lot of guilt and shame. I also engage in self harm.”

Mia:
“I’m paranoid, selfish, and shallow.”

Sophie:
“I can be too trusting at times. I am too sensitive to even deal with simple jokes at my expense. The worst one is that I am not good for my word. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say.”

Me:
My life is too overpowered with fear to function normally. I am antisocial and, in my opinion, too manipulative.


3. What are you most proud of?

Julie:
“When I win at games like Mario Kart and Connect Four and Uno."

Ash:
“I get straight A’s in school and I have an awesome collection of Pokemon cards.”

Elizabeth:
“Nothing.” (I tried to coax her into searching for something, anything, that she is proud of and she insisted repeatedly that there is nothing.)

Mia:
“I graduated high school as a junior with a good GPA despite my circumstances.”

Sophie:
“This might sound a little vague but I am most proud of my ability to keep an open mind.”

Me:
Where I am in life right now.


4. What is the biggest character turn-off in another person for you?

Julie:
“I don’t like it when people are mean and make fun of me.”

Ash:
“When they don’t like you for who you are.”

Elizabeth:
“I can’t stand know-it-alls.”

Mia:
“Wow, this is a hard one. I would say stupidity but I date stupid people… so stuck-up people I guess… oh, wait, I date them too…”

Sophie:
“Arrogance.”

Me:
I’ve acquired a strong distaste for party animals.


5. What’s your favorite music?

Julie:
“I like to sing Bible music and go to church with Nana and listen to the choir sing. I like TV songs like “Reading Rainbow” and “Barney.” Also I like that daddy/daughter song you showed me by Paul Simon. That makes me really happy to listen to.”

Ash:
“I like Smash Mouth and Britney Spears. Yeah, go ahead, laugh it up. I also really like all the Pokemon music and theme songs.”

Elizabeth:
“I don’t know, I listen to a lot of stuff. Mostly I stick to the genres of punk, screamo, indie, acoustic, dubstep, and popcore.”

Mia:
“Indie. Of course you know I’m a big Conor Oberst fan. I love Jack Johnson and The Moldy Peaches. My guilty pleasure is listening to The Used. I wish I knew more bluegrass.”

Sophie:
“Conor Oberst, Neutral Milk Hotel, and Poem are my top three favorites.”

Me:
Oberst, First Aid Kit, Dr. Dog, Neutral Milk, Dan Deacon to name a few of my favorites.


6. What do you dream about?

Julie:
“I have sad dreams about the Cat in the Hat. I have scary dreams about skulls eating lollipops and witches on motorcycles instead of brooms.”

Ash:
“I dream about this mountain covered in fog with a path that winds around the side all the way to the top. The road has rainbow rocks all on the sides of it. Me and my mom walk up it. Then once I had a dream Pokemon were real and I was really sad when I woke up.”

Elizabeth:
“Water is all I can really remember.”

Mia:
“Water and sex.”

Sophie:
“My childhood and authority figures of the past. All of my dreams are spinning and I am running through obscure, fuzzy locations.”

Me:
I dream about water often and about frantic situations in which I am under time pressure.


7. What are three things you want more of right now?

Julie:
“Popsicles and milkshakes! And bows for my hair… and board games!”

Ash:
“I wish there was more sunshine in this field. I need more things to do and more ideas in my head.”

Elizabeth:
“Honestly, I wish I had more care and attention right now. However for some reason I also wish I more punishment and discipline in my life. I definitely want more goals, or at least even one that seems attainable. I don’t have any goals at all and it makes me feel empty.”

Mia:
“I want a more a stable home, a more stable love life…I want to run away!”

         She started disappearing at this part of the interview. I kept losing sight of her face and calling for her. She came back and left again for each question to the end from here. Each response required me to exert a lot of effort to find her again. I don’t know why she’s so elusive. It took me forever to even get her name. She declined to add anything else to this response.

Sophie:
“Right now I wish I had more sexual gratification, more appreciation for my work, and more coping skills/abilities.”

Me:
Money, energy, and willpower.


8. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Julie:
“I threw a rotten plum at Kyle and I went into the potty with Dusty and got in trouble.”

Ash:
“That time I had a monkey contest with Mac White and broke my arm. Do you remember? I stayed in class that day because the nurse didn’t think it was broken.”

Elizabeth:
“I hospitalized myself by cutting too deeply. I took twenty Mucinex at once and another time I took fifteen Benadryl at once.”

Mia:
“Crazy how? If you mean dumb crazy, ruining my scholarship. If you mean bold crazy, running away from my mom’s house. If you mean daredevil crazy, get high and go anywhere with anyone and sleep in strange places.”

Sophie:
“Hit nitrous oxide on LSD.”

Me:
I don’t take many risks honestly. The rest of them do it for me if it happens.


9. What are three things you want to do before you die?

Julie:
“I want to go to school, have a daddy, and be a teacher.”

Ash:
“One day I’m going to visit Japan. I want to write a book and be a hero.”

Elizabeth:
“Getting thin would be nice. I want to be a psychologist. I hope to find true love believe it or not.”

Mia:
“I want to move out of Greenville, find a job I love, and be worth something to people somehow.”

Sophie:
“I will not be fulfilled until I find a stable home and establish independence. I hope I am able to contribute to science before I die.”

Me:
I want to marry David, travel, and contribute to science if possible.


10. If you could have any superpower, what would you choose and why?

Julie:
“Flying because it sets you free!”

Ash:
“Time travel because you can control everything when you can control time.”

Elizabeth:
“Invisibility because you can see anyone’s true intentions.”

Mia:
“Laser vision for protection, cooking, and destruction if needed.”

Sophie:
“I would choose omnipresence in order to help me understand the world and cosmos from a higher perspective.”

Me:
I want the ability to fly because it loosens your chains to gravity.