Promises

Promises, I make them to myself and mean them so deeply. I feel them being carved into my soul by something unknown, something delicate, and at the same time huge. Divine. Keeping those promises? Pulling myself up out of fear and having faith that I CAN and I WILL? Faith that HE will help me, that is, if I ask Him to? Well, that is where I miss the mark. I give up, I conveniently forget because it is so much easier to do so than to (gulp) FAIL! Be LAUGHED at! Be CRITIQUED! Than to have to TRY AGAIN!

There is one promise however that I am keeping, thus far, with mixed results. If someone is important to me, whether they be family or friend; a stranger I run across whose words or actions touch me, touch others; co-workers... I am telling them how I feel about them.

This year alone I have lost 2 co-workers very unexpectedly. Wonderful, real people. Honest, sincere, amazing people whom I respected and admired. People who lifted me up when there was no being lifted. And before I could tell them how amazing they were, what wondrous additions they were in my life, they were gone. The opportunity missed...

I can hear their voices, the last conversations we had, the last emails we shared, but I can never tell them, 'Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for the privilege of making a place for me in your life, for sharing all the joys and sadness. I appreciate all of your encouragement, and your love, your honesty. And by the way, you helped me grow. You improved me as a person, as a co-worker, as a parent and a spouse."

I shared my feelings with a co-worker several weeks ago and am still not sure what the results have been. I only want him to know that he has importance to me; that he is appreciated for his quirks, and humility; his humor and his strength in dealing with particulars of life. We have an after work discussion scheduled to discuss this...

Expressing that someone has touched you, has changed you; improved you and your life is risky, but it is a promise I WILL keep to myself, least I miss the opportunity again.