Aren't You Hot?

don’t ask if I’m hot

I wear long sleeved shirts year round
in the middle of summer with the sun beating down
when you stare at your lawn as it starts to turn brown
when the snow’s turned to slush and doesn’t muffle the sound
of cars passing by
or planes as they fly
or people as they scream and laugh and cry
and when the ice starts to melt
don’t ask how I felt
about wearing a long sleeved shirt “in season”
you don’t know me
I have my reasons

I wear long sleeved shirts year round
when hibernation is through and nature abounds
in the middle of summer with the sun beating down
in the fall when leaves change and litter the ground
and in winter I wear two

go ahead and ask me why
I’ll tell you

it’s how I hide
what I feel inside
the scars unseen by the human eye
the things done to me and the things I’ve done
when I was at my lowest and everything was wrong
when nothing could get better
and how hard I tried didn’t matter
and I had no one to talk to about it either
no one would listen and no one would care
so I hid what I did with what I would wear
the cuts were never deep
but the lines would still weep
and the blood made me feel

it made me feel alive

I still have the marks
but they aren’t quite as dark
and the ones that matter can’t be seen
and I still keep it covered up with sleeves
though now I’m not so mean

to myself

so don’t ask if I’m hot wearing long sleeves when it’s not “sweater weather”
I’m still working on getting better